just be

i read this today and thought i'd share it with you. be well...or just be.

There is no lesson for today. You have permission to stop thinking for a moment and just enjoy yourself. Stop looking at your computer so much and go look at the world. Rediscover the natural wonders that you walk past every day. How can there possibly be that many shades of green? Let your mind be grateful for a break. Don't think, don't strain. Let the memories of loved ones remind you of your favorite times. Close your eyes and try to smell the sunshine. Listen to your heart beat in your ears.



If it's raining, smile at the thought of the flowers that will soon follow.


If you're surrounded by buildings, celebrate the creative genius of human beings.











See the hope, the alarm, the love, the grief in faces that stream by.




Thank whomever you'd like to thank for the chance to even be here. For a moment today, don't worry about being perfect, smarter, faster, wiser. Just be.

overdue post

what?! you want happiness and love? go somewhere else, you dopes. this is national bad mood day. grrrrrrrrr.




okay, so i'm not really in a bad mood, but i know i'm way overdue in getting a post out. work life's been very busy now that the CIO has moved on. i'm doing tons more decision making and strategic planning (what to get for lunch) for the executives than i thought i would during this transition. seriously, i'm involved in more meetings to help redefine areas of responsibility, keeping the execs focused on deadlines to corporate, and using the fine art of bossing around people who are 5 pay grades higher to make sure they're not running around all willy nilly promoting people to positions that don't exist in the HR job codes (snore, i know) etc.... basically i'm the office mom. adored, sometimes ignored, but ultimately respected (even though they might stick their tongues out at me behind my back, just like son did last night, but that's a whole other story).

here's my plan for today:
getting this post finished while the laundry room is noisy with the cleaning of clothes, shower, then taking my son to home depot for their 'first saturday of the month' kids' workshop. he's been dying to wack a hammer and pound some nails all week, so today's the day.


but what i'm really looking forward to is national bittersweet chocolate with almonds day on 11/7. life is good when chocolate is in my future.


p.s. 11/7 is also election day. get out the vote and the chocolate. woo!

project #1

today is painting day. i''m gonna paint my bedroom, which is something i've been wanting to do since i moved in. currently, my room is a bland oatmeal color. this evening it will be a tranquil light sage. i don't know the official name for this color, but i've used it in all my homes and i've had friends and family compliment and copy it in the past.

yep, today's the day. it's a baby step in getting out of my 4 year mental slump (the last time i'll use that phrase). it's time to get happy. sounds like a partridge family song, doesn't it?

before picture: (could the previous owners have chosen a more shocking white paint for the beadboard?)

tricky part: how will i move the armoire? hmmm....


okay, time is wasting and i'm getting distracted watching Roman Holiday....time to get moving!!

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may i just say that set up is a bitch? okay, thanks. bye.





after pic: i couldn't resist sharing this photo at least for a day or two, then i'll replace it with a different final pic of the room. my son was hanging out in my room as i got ready for work this morning. and guess what? he's learned to read almost instantly (insert proud mom smile here). i bought him the 12 book set of Dick and Jane almost a year ago, just because they reminded me of my youth. he wasn't into them, until last month and now he can't get enough....and guess what? they really work. he's up to book 6 and is learning new reading concepts with each book. now he reads me a bedtime story each night :0)

oh yeah, and the paint.... it probably doesn't look much different on film than the before pic since this morning was so cloudy, but let me tell you, this color sets me at even. it's very tranquil and is just...me.
home project #1 - done.

driving at the speed of profound

i know i'm a good driver. i rarely get lost or cause major sig alerts.

but sometimes a girl needs to pull over and check out the road map. to be honest, I'm feeling pressured from all angles (or lanes, if we're keeping with the metaphor).

Where to begin? Well, I can start with one of msn.com's headlines: “What are You Gonna do with Your Life?

Or how about the tv commercial that just came on as I’m typing this frigging thing:

Character says: (okay, it’s Lorilei Gilmore, from one of my favorite [don’t tell anyone] tv shows, the Gilmore Girls. It gets into my whole “cool mom/awesome daughter” relationship fantasy, but I digress)

A confused, at a crossroads, Lorilei says, “What if I don’t want to do what I want to do because I want to do it? What if I don’t like what I like, because I like it, but because my mother doesn’t like it?…” enter voiceover, “sometimes, when you don’t know which way to go, you have to follow your heart.” (want another metaphor? search this week's GG episode for the Pop-Tart metaphor. mind blowing).

Or how about the emails I’ve been getting from my producer friend offering me the opportunity to direct a show?

Or that this month's breast cancer awareness advertising makes me miss my mom whenever i think of yogurt?

Or how about that one of the six people i've had in my new home since i've moved here has stolen 10k of krugerrands from the shoebox in my bedroom - i know. my bad. a shoebox is not fort knox, even if it does rhyme and was semi hidden under winter sweaters (now you all know my ultra safe combo: look left under green cableknit sweater). my life as a boardgame metaphor? Clue. damn. gotta get one.

Or how about the fact that I am so unhappy/depressed with the latest undisclosed divorce/court battle that for the past two weeks I’ve been losing sleep and can’t wait to get to work just so I can be lost in details instead of dealing with my personal crap?

Or how about that the only reason I loved my job was because I had the best boss in the history of bosses, and then today said boss announced at our sr. staff meeting she’s taking a new position on the opposite side of the continent?


Do I need to go on?


I love to act/direct - that's my lifelong passion and honest to goodness talent (not one to brag. much)... but I gotta pay the bills and be home to put dinner on the table. I need to be happy but the last go around with lawyers has thrown me a way outta wack. I ……I …. I’m so sick of thinking of myself I could puke, yet I’m tired of being the Adult doing what has to be done. i.e. the right thing - instead of going for the gusto in life, at the expense of those who count on me to be there.

When I think about my boss resigning for more lucrative corporate adventures on the east coast, I get all teary eyed. It’s like breaking up with a significant other; or worse, being dumped by said S/O. You should’ve seen us – nine corporate executives (and me, the ever faithful admin to the VP) all drop jawed and emotional over our leader jumping ship for a better gig.

(blows in hanky) Anyways…I’ll get over it. Major corporate fluxes are no biggie. I just need to shift gears and think of helping her with her exit plan instead of working on her Holiday luncheon and Q4 goal metrics. It’s just that we got along so well, and whenever I look at the silk jewelry pouch she gave me….arrgh. and I just bought a new plant for her office. Fat chance that’ll make it on the moving van to D.C.

(blows in wet hanky). Crap. This is what comes out of not having a boyfriend.

(wipes nose)….overly emotionally invested in a work role model. Or at least wanting something worthy and good to last.

Can you tell I’m a bit wonky? A bit flummoxed?

I’ll just leave it at that.




p.s. spending bathtime with my boy has put life in perspective. he made me a plastic bead Necklace today.

fyi...N is the letter of the week. i'll keep my new necklace in my silk jewelry pouch.

post p.s. during bedtime prayers, my son reminded me to talk to God about my day and how my boss is leaving.
Son = Godsend.

what kids need to know

A young coworker, who is a mom of a 1½ year old toddler, came to me in tears this morning. Her little son’s best friend died last night. Nobody knows why the little boy died as of yet. Yesterday he was playing at daycare; today he’s dead. We both cried a bit as we talked about how to let her little boy know…if she should even let him know.
You see, the mother of the little boy who died is the daycare teacher for my friend’s son. The two little boys played together every day, and just yesterday the teacher mentioned how so inseparable the two tykes had become.

My advice: if the mom doesn’t come back to teach at the daycare, then tell her son that they moved away. A young child not even two years old doesn’t need to know the hard truth in life that little boys can die suddenly. I don’t know if this is good advice, but it’s what I said. Probably not, now that I think about it some more. Chances are her son will learn the truth as people talk about it at the daycare school. This is so heartbreakingly sad. I know that kids around the world deal with death at such a young age due to starvation, disease, war....but we Americans are so sheltered. We have hissies when our internet connection is lost or our football team loses, or someone talks too loud on their cell phone at the grocery store.

We sometimes forget to see all the blessings we have. Food. Shelter. Family. Love. The unconditional love of a child.

At four years of age, my son knows about God, heaven, hell, good choices and bad choices, and how each and every day we get to make choices to be either on God’s team or the Devil’s team. He knows my parents are both in heaven with God. He is such a little bundle of love. He always tells me how much he loves me, cuddles with me and sometimes voices his fear that I will die and leave him or that he will die and leave me. We talk about it when he feels the need and I reassure him as best I can, without having a crystal ball to look into the future. We talk of him being a grown man and I’ll be an old grandma someday.

I have no good answers for my friend or for the many people who face tragedy every day due to freak accidents, sickness, madmen…other than to love with all our might. Hug your kids, tell them you love them. They need to hear it. You need to show it. They need to know they are loved.

my music picks

i've been tagged by my psycho bud, health-pych

here are the tag rules:

List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words or even if they’re not any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your Live Journal/blog along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they’re listening to.



mckay says: if i had an ipod these songs would be on it.

mckay's angle: youtube.com has an odd assortment of homemade music videos people have posted. you can listen to my song picks, but close your eyes, as most of the videos don't fit the song - or me - at all.


Maroon 5 – sweetest goodbye


Blue October – calling you (ignore the video, just listen to the music)


Steve Tyrell – the way you look tonight (again, please close your eyes. you must ignore the video. steve tyrell sings a great rendition of my all time favorite song. This is the song I sing to my son, and now he sings it back to me)


Death Cab for Cutie – sound of settling (close your eyes and listen. this song always reminds me of saturday mornings at my former home; mowing the lawn then relaxing in a warm bubble bath, to this cd)


Nickleback – I walk alone (so me these days)

(you know not to watch the video, right? you get that. this is not 'my fav videos' blog. just the song-except for the screeching part at the end. that wasn't on the cd...okay. go)


The beatles – in my life (a song so great, it needs no explanation)



john mayer – st. patrick’s day (my favorite holiday song)



do any of these songs speak to you?
i tag 7 lurkers who never post comments.

stalkers take note: i'll be @ fashion island this sunday morning, along with 20,000 others racing for the cure.

i am so horribly uncomfortable asking for money, but here goes.

i'm participating in the Susan G. Koman race for the cure at Fasion Island, in Newport Beach this coming weekend to honor the memory of my mom, Joan McDonell. My sister asked me to participate last year as a birthday present to her. This Orange County race always falls in September, which is the month of my sister's birthday. how cool is that, that this is all my sister wants for her birthday celebration? pretty dang cool, if you ask me. yeah, i still get her a gift. but hey, i'm her sister and i love to give, give, give. i'm a giver, what can i say?

last year we did the 5k walk for the very first time: my sister, her 12 year old daughter (my oldest niece) and me(or is it i? i think it's i, but that just sounds weird), the ever faithful blogger, mckay (aka auntie, sis, mom). i went out and bought us matching pink nike baseball hats, to get in the spirit of the day. little did i know that wearing pink at the race signifies that the wearer is a breast cancer survivor. here we were a happy threesome, with my little 12 year old neice wearing a pink hat, along with her mom and aunt. everyone thought we were cancer survivors. it was so embarrassing! we had the master of ceremonies stop us and interview us. we said we were walking in honor of Joan McDonell, which was announced over the loudspeakers. hearing my mom's name announced to thousands had me in tears, and the race had just started. we had tons of photographers taking our pictures. and one of my sis and my niece made the front page of the orange county register: a very big newspaper in our parts.


...i just told this same story to a manager where i work (she's gonna donate! YEA!! but only after i go to the doctors and get a mamogram. i'm way over due.)...


this year, my sister has some of her friends participating. i just signed up and never gave much thought to collecting donations, until today.

here's a link if you want to help me gather a little caCHING to help a good cause. my mom died way too young. she has two grandkids she never got to meet. my son will never know what a wonderfully funny lady his grandma was, but he does know visiting her grave.

donate for a cure!

well, the link will give you some basic information, but if you want to donate... email me at my.mckmail@gmail.com and i'll give you my full name so you can fork over the cash.

help today...and if you can't donate, then at least assist a friend with a breast exam ;0)

i've seen this victoria's secret commercial a couple of times and never thought much of it. i usually use my tivo to skip the commercials, but yesterday morning i was avoiding doing my household repairs by tapping out the grasshopper post

so, this commercial pops up on my tv and guess what i notice? this lingerie model is wearing MY glasses.

*sigh*
THAT'S the look i was going for: sexy librarian. or, in this case, sexy bra model (minus the bra. well, not minus the bra. keep the bra, just add a sweater).

















anyways, she pulls the look off. i don't. just thought i'd share that lil tibbit.

this bud ain't for you

i'm not the type of gal who's afraid of bugs or spiders, i have no problem carefully squishing the occasional black widow, and i usually give the cute-ish i.e. harmless spiders a ride outside on a paper napkin.

so, when i get a mombo huge grasshopper in my garden, my first instinct is to look at how cool it is, admire the almost fluorescent shade of green and be quietly happy that i have a lil friend in my garden.

until.

until i figured out that this is the guy who's the culprit behind all my damaged rosebuds. who knew that the grass- hopper's favorite meal in the whole wide world is the young rosebud just before it blooms? not this novice gardener, that's for sure.

this dang grasshopper was getting fat and happy off my adopted rose bushes i just planted in march. they were given to me by a coworker who was remodeling his backyard. i took these dormant bushes and gave them a new home and i didn't want them to be eaten alive by the grasshopper from hell. i had no blooms, because of this green eating machine. all i had were empty stems.

i took my handy dandy garden hose to spray the heck outta the green eating machine. instead of flying away in fear for its life, it flew through the spray and directly into my face. i had no idea grasshoppers were so aggressive! after i stopped flailing my arms like a spaz i was fairly soaked and just a little bit pissed. i turned up the water pressure and took aim a second time with the full intention of letting the hopper know i meant business.

leave my buds alone, bud. this bud ain't for you. i sprayed the hopper to the cement and kept spraying until it was across the street. HA!

the next morning he was back. i went inside to get an old tupperware container, poked a few holes in it and trapped him. boy that thing was pissed. he practically threw himself against the plastic trying to escape.

i decided to take him far, far away. the grasshopper now lives on the grassy knoll beside my reserved parking spot at work. some days i imagine him sitting on my windshield begging to come home for some of those tasty buds. i felt a little bad bugnapping him like that, but i've gotten over it since i've done the same for his relatives. i've relocated four grasshoppers since last week. am i nuts?

anyways, this morning i took a pic of one of my roses for you to see. finally, a rose in full bloom!

i was just starting on a pitiful post...i haven't been able to think of anything witty or profound to say... when i stumbled across this. life should always be this complicatedly simple. i got such a kick out of watching this.


okay, now i'll go back to the stupid post i was working on....

mck.

sick as a dog

needless to say i haven't felt much like posting these past few days. everyone's been sick at my house: the son, the two dogs, and now me.

i'm so tired of cleaning up all the assorted messes these past few weeks. i could never be a nurse. even so, i'll never regret the two years i spent taking care of my mom as she fought her last battles with cancer. she took care of me as an infant and i was more than glad to return the favor. dang, i miss that woman.

travel bug

should i start with my earliest journey? is the most romantic trip to be addressed first? well. perhaps i'll start with my birth.

on a warm july evening a baby girl was born harriet and william of the scottish clan in the city of angels. i was delivered via cesarian section by an obstetrician who happened to be married to the orange juice hocking, homosexual lambasting singer known as anita bryant. not that that's anything of note, but it's a trivial pursuit bit of info at the very least, to be sure. my father, being the entrepreneur that he was, was not present at my birth. my mom drove herself to the hospital and, according to her recollection, was left strapped on a gurney in the hospital hallway to travel the journey of labour alone.

my first two years were spent in an upscale cottage home within a quaint L.A. suburb from which my parents decided to leave, as los angeles was growing too fast for my father's taste. L.A. was left behind for a sleepy beach town no one had heard of. our new home had the romantic sounding name of corona del mar (to this very day, few know of its existence, yet for the memory of beautiful coastal drives between newport and laugna).

my first memory is of resting in my crib within a sunny room, enveloped by a warm glow of pink. maybe this is the first glance of how compatible my nature is. i never screamed to be let out of my crib. i was content to meditate on the toddler view of my world. and what a world it was, for my view was the undeveloped expanse of the southern california coastline. i could look out my window (which was the whole friggin wall - top to bottom, left to right - all glass and view) and see forever. brown desert prairie summertime grass with roaming herds of cows,... and nighttime visitors of cougar, coyotes, foxes, possum and skunk, if one were to count the critters from largest to smallest. forget cable tv - all we had to do was put a few table scraps in our backyard, sit on the living room floor with the lights off and wait to see all our nocturnal beasties that lived in our neighborhood.

does it really need to be said that i could spend eternity contemplating that view? i truly spent hours upon hours gazing out my 4th wall....


to be continued.




here's a look at the states where i've been. i'll go into the stories why i visited a bit later...


create your own visited states map



here's a map of the countries i've been blessed to visit:


create your own visited countries map

Jennifer Aniston called up People today to get it into their thick heads (my words, not her’s) that she's not engaged to Vince Vaughn. She says in an angry interview:

"I'm not engaged and I don't have a ring and I haven't been proposed to. Normally we don't even acknowledge these things because they're endless, at this point, the thing that got me was that I was getting phone calls from Greece! My Aunt Mary in Greece is getting accused of lying! I mean, they're getting angry. My dad calls and he says, 'Honey, it's on the CNN crawl,' and I'm going, 'Wait a second!' When it starts to travel over into the Today show and CNN and supposedly reliable and accurate news programs, then you just go, 'This is insane. People are getting fed a lot of bull. I don't feed into that. We (her friends) don't talk about it. We don't hash it out because it's not true. The only reason I'm saying something is because if we're listening to the news, we're supposed to be believing in the news. Tabloids are going to lie all the time. You’re prepared for that. But it's the news. And you think, 'Well, we need to trust what our newscasters are saying when we have this horrific situation that's actually taking place in the world, I mean, we are getting reported the truth, right? The American people need to believe (the news). Please. Get it together. So that's all.”

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mckay says:

Bravo. Well said. now i must continue to watch Breakfast at Tiffany’s, darlings, to escape from the humdrum madness that is my life.

p.s. dang, i just copy/pasted that blurb from some gossip blog. i sure hope it’s true.

p.s. again. my sister and her hubby just got back from puerto villarta last week and they confirmed that they did not see jennifer and vince at all.

p.s. again, again. this is why i am so glad i’m not famous. all this talent left undiscovered is oh, so worth it.

the debate has been settled. most guys say, "yep, that's sexy (unless they belong to a dude)."

the chicken guessed it. the lengthy gams belong to Tim Curry.

settle this debate

i was having a silly debate with a friend and i need to your input.

sexy or not sexy?

shut your trap

Terror Plot Suspects Planned 'Dry-Run' of Attacks in Next 2 Days, Sources Say
Thursday, August 10, 2006
LONDON — Suspects arrested Thursday for planning to stage a massive mid-air terror attacked were in the final stages of planning and planned to run a dry-run of the plan within two days, U.S. intelligence officers said Thursday.

One official said the suicide attackers planned to use a peroxide-based solution that could ignite when sparked by a camera flash or another electronic device.
The test run was designed to see whether the plotters would be able to smuggle the needed materials aboard the planes, these officials said. They spoke only on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the subject matter…

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mckay says,
is it just me or does this piss anyone else off? if it's supposed to be confidential then KEEP it confidential. this is not juicy office gossip. lives are at stake.

one reason why i like steve martin

truth

sometimes i want to post something, not because i have something to say, but because i want to connect with you.

and the winner is… !!!

the tamagachi family!

i.e. not me. …and i’m perfectly okay with that. well, to be honest, i’m a little disappointed since all my fantasy brain power was working overtime on designing my beautiful italian courtyard with all the nifty items to be bestowed upon me as the beautiful divorcee contest winner. in my fantasy i would be a gracious and humble winner, delightefully surprised in a semi-serene, classy way…no wild jumping or flailing. picture audrey hepburn winning an academy award ..

okay, so i have an active and glamorous imagination.

What i’ll miss about my contest fantasy not coming true is losing the designer contractor part of the prize. i need that leader/contractor/partner to help me move forward and set the course of action. at times i can be a leader, but lately, my cocoon has become a bit paralyzing. perhaps that’s part of the grieving process. i haven’t done anything to this new house other than change out a few plants and bushes in the front courtyard and buy some potted plants for the back. i really need to get off my licking-my-wounds / feeling-sorry-for-myself butt and start doing some of the stuff that’s on my home improvement list.

i think it has something to do with living alone. having a spouse or partner with whom i can work on projects makes it fun and manageable.

“here, honey, hold this nail while i use all my strength to pound it into submission.”

see how fun that is?

one of my favorite home improvement memories was 'helping' my hubby install the satellite dish on our former home. he chose to attach the dish to a wall on top of a huge slope; therefore, having to scale the heights on slippery ivy, past eucalyptus trees and through some very overgrown bushes. while he was struggling with the wires, the dish & assorted tools he got frustrated and was on the verge of a hissy fit, so i offered the only help i could at that moment.

i flashed him. if any of you knew me, you’d know how out of character that is. i’m not a flasher kinda gal. i’m a bridget jones'-undie & victoria's secret-bra wearing, support-is-my-friend kinda gal. but on that particular morning i wasn’t wearing a bra, so…

from then on, my offering to help always brought a smile.
like i said, help is good.

mel's meltdown

by now everyone's heard and perhaps commented on mel gibson's drunken tirade. i, myself posted the following comment on saur's blog:

i've liked some of mel's movies, mostly Braveheart. I didn't care for the gore of Passion yet I didn't see anything in the movie as anti-semitic. Being a born & raised Catholic, i was never taught that the Jews caused Jesus' death.

the thought that crossed my mind when i heard the horrible things allegedly spewed from mel's mouth was that many saints had huge vices they had to overcome and renounce to finally become better people.

here's a brief bio on Saint Paul:
"Jewish Talmudic student. Pharisee...Saul the Jew hated and persecuted Christians as heretical, even assisting at the stoning of Saint Stephen the Martyr. On his way to Damascus to arrest another group of Christians, he was knocked to the ground, struck blind by a heavenly light, and given the message that in persecuting Christians, he was persecuting Christ. The experience had a profound spiritual effect on him, causing his conversion to Christianity. He was baptized, changed his name to Paul to reflect his new persona, and began traveling and preaching. Martyr."

if Saint Paul started out as a bigot full of hatred, perhaps there's hope for today's bigots to repent and change. Perhaps this arrest could be a life changing event (like Saul being struck blind) to give mel the wake up call he surely needs.

the longest drum roll.....

Okay, so i check my email this afternoon and here’s what in there:

“Thank you for entering our Backyard Contest. We would like to invite you to a special reception where we’ll serve hors d’oeuvres and announce our Grand Prize Winner.
The event is scheduled to take place on THURSDAY, AUGUST 3RD, FROM 5P-7P in the KZRA Courtyard.
Please reply to this email with your RSVP and how many guests you will bring.
Thank you!
KZRA Promotions Department”


so, now i’m thinking it’s one of two doors:

door number 1) i’ve won...

or door number 2) they’re inviting lots of entrants to the reception because all the vendors will be there to pass out brochures and little coupons for all the folks with the cruddy back yards. now i do live in southern california, but taking time off work, finding someone to watch my son and driving into the los angeles area during the high traffic time is not my idea of a fun afternoon. granted, the lure of mini quiches and a wine in a plastic cup are quite enticing, but i’ve become such a social hermit, i’d rather spend the evening with my 4 year old than schmooze with other garden challenged black thumbs.

i will have a better idea which is my fate when i learn from my sister if she received the same email… that'll give me a hint.

oh, and did i mention they changed their website? the contest logo/verbiage on the website used to read "Oasis $100,000 backyard / patio makeover" now it just says "patio". granted, the email says "backyard" but hey, a girl can dream, can't she?


okay. i just heard from my sister and she did not get the same email. she's going to go up to L.A. with me after i find someone to watch my son. arghhh. the suspense is killing me!

maybe...just maybe....

remember how i mentioned that my backyard is a pitiful area of dirt and boring concrete? well, there's a los angeles talk radio station that i listen to and guess what? they're having a contest...win a $100,000 back yard or patio makeover. to enter the contest one had to tell why their back yard was in need of a re-do...in 50 words or less.

on a whim, i emailed my shpeel (saving my last seven characters to say, Thanks!...being polite never hurts) along with a goofy picture of my back patio. i checked out their website this morning and lo and behold, the photo of my patio* is one of the 50ish photos being shown as entries. the caption says, "look at your neighbors' back yards!" or something like that. how embarrassing. i didn't know they'd show my dusty hovel on the net. eGADS! *note: my yard is NOT the one with the toilet in the dirt. perhaps there are needier(filthier)peeps than myself. and hey, one or two of those yards look nice. hmmm. do they really need a makeover? kinda like farrah fawcett thinking she needed a facelift.

a drastic change is not always for the best.

a funny thing: i mentioned to my sister that i had entered the contest and she said that she did, too! this is only funny if you know that she and her hubby recently bought a m-m-million dollar home and have already had an architect draw up an awesome multi-level back yard dream design (complete with putting green, horse shoe pit and lanai) that they've been planning for some time now. i guess it doesn't hurt to try to win it for free...just like i'm trying to do. our budgets are just a bit different, that’s all. ;0)

and another interesting thing is the radio website's headline says Patio makeover...not backyard. could it be that they've picked a winner (moi?) and they know it's a patio?? the radio station will be announcing the winner this saturday morning on the air. i suppose i should clear my busy social calendar to see who wins.


update: they did not announce the winner this morning. maybe next week? who knows?? they read some of the 50 word essayettes, and i must say i'd rather have the mom who's hubby is away fighting the war be the winner. how cool for him to come home to an awesome backyard.

changes in my routine

my son is away on his first camping trip with his dad, which leaves me alone for several days (i will save you all the pity party woe's me stuff). so with my added free time after work i thought i would go to the gym...and guess what?

i re-discovered something i forgot i already knew. i hate going to the gym. i think i will actually cancel my gym membership.


* # * # *

for the past two weeks or so, my television's been on the fritz. it's done this before and i shelled out around $300 to get it repaired about a year ago, which isn't too bad to spend on a tv we paid 3 grand for back at the start of the millennium. now it's back to its same old tricks - it just won't turn on. *sigh* i hate spending money on stuff like this. i've waited for it to magically get better...which it has done in the past, but since it actually seems to be dead this time i bit the bullet. oh well. here's what i bought online last night: for you technogeeks, it's a 42 inch vizio hdtv plasma w/ tuner. i have no idea when it will arrive, but i sure hope the delivery guy will be kind enough to carry it upstairs for me.

* # * # *

since i refuse to go to the gym, and being a tv watching couch potato isn't an option, tonight after work i plan on taking my dog to huntington beach (the real, one-and-only Surf City, USA) for a bit of fun at the famous dog beach. it's a great place to run around and let your pooch have some fun. i've never taken my mutt there and he can be a bit of a scaredycat, so it'll be interesting to see how he reacts to the beach, the ocean and other dogs running around without a care or leash. i'll be sure to take my camera.

i learn something new every day

this morning i was reading my Real Simple magazine and i learned something new. did you know that the little strawberry on the tomato pin cushion is filled with sand, which can be used to sharpen your needles and pins and will also help remove any rust on your little shiny things?

neither did i! what a tiny bit of information that is, but i know i'll never forget it. it made me think of my sewing kit. it's a small wooden sewing box that belonged to my grandmother. the box still has old fashioned wooden spools inside, some still bound with silk thread. i don't know how old it is, perhaps 80 years old? each time i take it down from the shelf, sit on my bed to repair something, i think of grandma memories as i sew. funny thing is, they are never about sewing. They’re usually how she taught me to play gin rummy for nickels and dimes. whenever i would walk to her apartment to visit we would always end up sipping coke and playing gin. at the end of the afternoon i would always leave with a little fistful of coins. it took me years to figure out that she let me win, which was her way of indulging me...letting me think i had outsmarted her of her coins that day. i guess she outsmarted me.

mckay and hattie

i promised jamie dawn that i would post a picture of me in my old age makeup. i tried to get a good picture while on stage with the lights, but the playwright didn't get a good shot. i guess he needs to stick with the pen (or keyboard) and leave the camera to others.

i'm glad i got to do the show, but there were some frustrating times dealing with the diva and nonexistent audiences. let me say that i will (probably) never do another production for this theatre. if we can donate our time and energy to put on a show then the theatre company should do some advertising and promotion to fill the house. there was one night when the only people in the audience were friends of the cast - six people. the dad of a cast member was rather old and not feeling well, so he and his family left after her show was over (remember, this was an evening of two 1-hour one-acts). so after intermission ended, there was a grand total of one person in the audience - a friend of the diva's. i hadn't heard that the audience number had dribbled down one sole soul until i was in places, ready to go on stage in one minute. the diva comes trotting up to me saying, "there's only one person in the audience and he's my friend. he can come see me another night, so we're going to cancel the show."

this is the first time i've ever heard of an actress canceling a performance. *rolls eyes* whatever. three other cast members thought canceling the performance was a great idea. i wanted to do the show, just as a pick up rehearsal, since due to the diva hardly ever showing up to rehearsal, opening night had been our fist runthrough with everyone present. no luck. the show got canceled that night. like i said, i won't do another show for a place that can't do their job and sell some tickets. as much as i like to act, i really prefer there be some people in the audience.

what i liked most about doing the performance was getting to create a believable older character for the fist time. in the past i've played ingenues and character comedy roles. i bonded with my character, hattie. hattie was my grandmother's real nickname and my mom's middle name was harriet, so i felt a bit of a spiritual bond with the ol' gal. okay, okay, that's my story. here's a recent picture of me and a backstage picture of my character, hattie. my apologies for the picture not being under the theatre lights, which would make the old age makeup a bit more realistic.

blogger question

have any of you ever had a problem with receiving email notification for new comments? i'm getting comments, but no email notifications. i checked my settings and that's all correct.




i had to reset my mac administrator password over the weekend because i was using the sleep mode so much i forgot my password (duh). now i keep getting prompts for my 'keychain password' which I DON'T KNOW. arrrgh! i don't think it's related to the mac, though, because if i access my email via the webmail site, i still don't have any blogger emails. weird, huh?

sigh.

any idears?

mckay's triple berry pie

first, let me send cyber apologies for not blogging in a while. my daughter's in town and i tend to spend tons of time shopping (ugh) and goofing around (yippee!) with her as much as possible. we just got back from the beach and i am quite sunburn.

now, for the pie. the votes were tallied and berries of all types were mentioned with much fervor. being the people pleasin' gal that i am, i made up a concoction of blackberries, raspberries and blueberries with a creative raspberry glaze. this amazingly delicious mix filled a braided pie crust. i'm not much of a pie fanatic, but i must say that this was fabulous. mine is the round pie in the lower right corner. and isn't that a beautiful dessert table? my sister made rice krispy treats shaped like lobsters (she says she doesn't do pies)...there was an apple, a peach, an apricot, a ruhbarb, a blueberry tart....

pie vote

ACK! i just remembered i have to bake a pie for our 4th of July party. it's a great annual party with old neighbors from my childhood neighborhood. our families have known each other forever and they've taken me under their wing since my folks died and my marriage crashed and burned. and boy, am i lucky to be under that wing! they go all out for parties: the 4th of july party consists of clams, lobster, steak, corn on the cob, watermelon, drinkies...and the price of admission is a homemade pie. the dessert table is covered with a plethora of pies brought from all around southern california. in the past i've made apple and key lime. so, you guys tell me: what should i make this year?

108

boy, is it hot today. while running errands, sweating and feeling dehydrated, i stopped to get a jambajuice. peach passion hit the spot. my coworker had a craving for ice cream. when she came back i asked her what flavor she decided upon: rainbow sherbet.

what's your favorite ice cream? i'll tell you mine a bit later ;-)

date update

Update:
It seems the only dates I have these days are court dates. My court date last week went extremely well. So let me just say right now: Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers, good vibes, karma, voodoo, etc… I am very thankful for your words of encouragement and general commiseration regarding my predicament. Here’s what happened: the ex did not get any additional visitation with Son; he must agree to take Son to any sports practices when on a scheduled visitation; all future summer vacation days must be used consecutively (this is a very good thing, because he’s been arguing with me about vacation days here and there & it’s become quite frustrating when it should be so simple).

My ex somehow thought I was badmouthing him to Son’s preschool teachers, which is sooooo far from true. I spoke with the court appointed pyshco doctor back in December to get his advice on whether I should tell people about the perv dad. He said it could cause prejudice against Son so I should refrain from saying anything. I took his advice and bit my lip…but Son’s teacher mentioned to me that Son seems to act out regularly after he’s been on a weekend with his dad…so Perv dad subpoenas the director of the preschool on our day at court. What a buffoon. She came up to me in the hallway, thinking I had done the subpoena. She was quite surprised to find out it was the dad…since what she had to say wouldn’t help him at all. She also confirmed that I’ve never said anything derogatory about the dad. Ever. Woo for me! Am I a good girl, or what? I will always try to do what’s best for Son. Always.

the money pit

don't you hate it when you catch someone stealing money out of your purse? it hurts.







meet the money pit:


he's the one on the left, the male in my life & the silkiest muscle bound body pillow you'll ever experience. he is my rebound relationship and definitely the most faithful sidekick i've ever had. i got him from a rescue group several years ago. he's my incorrigible eighty-six pound mutt who thinks he's a lap dog. some say he's a bit pit and chow, but i prefer to see his retriever qualities; and if digging through my purse and pulling out a twenty to eat makes him a retriever, then so be it.

baby got back

I’m embarrassed to show you my back yard. The previous owners didn’t do anything with the corner yard, so it consists of cinderblock walls, poured concrete and dirt. No imagination. No greenery. No nice place for my dogs to pee (there’s no grass to soak up the pee smell, it’s a bit musky back there). Plus it’s become infested with rats, and ants. Oh, joy.

The other night, around 11:00pm, I let my dogs out for one last piddle before hitting the hay. They went bonkers as they had discovered a rodent of some sort and were intent on trapping it. I knew I couldn’t call them in, so I let them have at it. I was expecting a mouse, of which I have not fear, so I kept poking myself outside to watch their hunting antics. Since I really didn’t want the lil bugger scampering into my house I decided to shut the door and let the dogs do their thing. Then I heard it. not a squeak, but a loud shriek - painful. pissed. What the hell did they catch?! It took a minute or two for the animal to die, then it was ceremoniously brought to the door for my inspection. It was the biggest rat I’ve ever seen.

So, now I bring the dog food in each night to keep the dead rat’s relatives away.

Oh, wait. This was supposed to be about my back yard. Well, anyways, I have my old gardener from my previous house coming over to check out the situation. I’d like to make that little back yard awesome: a fountain in the corner, maybe three dwarf Italian cypress along the east border…take out some of the concrete and have a raised flower bed added…
i dunno. it sure needs something.

prayers and good thoughts are needed!

on a serious note...tomorrow morning i will be in court fighting my ex hubby who wants more visitation with our son. this man is a ped - o - phile (sorry...i don't want or need anyone googling that activity and landing here) and i do not want him to have any more time with him AT ALL. the courts and pyscho drs. have said that because he's only a threat to little girls, visitation and sleepovers with his son are okay.

don't get me started on all that. i've been fighting in courts for four years now. it's like a glacier. i can't stop it from advancing...

anyways, please say your prayers that my lawyer talks a good talk and convinces the judge to keep the existing order in place.

thanks.

mck.

comic sans

i’m impressed with standup comics. it’s completely different from acting. the timing is unique and you’ve got to have your personality on the line…or at least your pseudo personality. it’s a craft that i’ve never contemplated – until recently…not professionally, mind you, just enough to see what it takes to create a joke. that’s the tough part - coming up with something uniquely funny.

well, today i thought up my first stand up joke:

i know a lot about marriage, how tough it can be to make it work. i’ve been married for 25 years - (applause from the audience) - four marriages, but hey, it’s still 25 years.

i still get anniversary cards – from my lawyer. he’s actually my longest relationship…


thank you. thank you very much. you’ve been a great audience...

himself

ever have a connection with someone so profound and comfortable that it just felt right…but it ended all wrong? Whenever I’m in a show I think of this person. I haven’t seen him in decades, but I feel a part of his spirit is with me…or maybe a part of my spirit is caught up with him. …or a little fabric of his being is tucked in my breast, to be pulled out every now and then to be remembered and cherished. I don’t know. I have a memory of him that I can’t escape. I liked everything about him. He was cute, in a goofy way; talented as a character actor who was always on the money; liked by teachers and classmates alike. He was kind, funny and sweet. Kindof a young and silly Jimmy Stewart. He was a bit older and was fun, secure, sweet, exciting and safe.

I didn’t know he had a girlfriend.. I found out that he did at a party. There was a picture of her in his bedroom. A professional 8x10. she was pretty – a model, someone said. She was in New York doing work. That’s all I knew. I cared for him. I was falling for his goofy ways.

I have one very specific memory of him wearing goulashes and dancing in a huge water puddle in front of the drama department. I never got to see our relationship to a deeper level. His girlfriend could sense something in his voice and she knew she had to fly home or lose him. She flew home. I lost him. Maybe I never had him, but he sure had me – had my heart.

It wasn’t a fade to black; it was a crash and burn. She had to meet me - to see ‘the other woman’ (I was 18 and so naive, vulnerable and in the dark). I had no idea what I was getting into. I met her on the steps of the drama department (her call) and she pointed her finger at me and basically called me a whore for taking her man. I didn’t understand how I was so wrong, what I had done wrong - how I had hurt someone I didn’t believe existed. The rumors of her didn’t seem real, and when I mentioned her to him, what I heard in his words made it seem like she didn’t really exist. She was a thing beyond, in a distant, thick fog. Not real.

She belittled me in front of classmates. She had her revenge and I was a sacrificial lamb of sorts. The burnt offering from him to her. I was cut to the core. Humiliated. Shamed.


I still think of him sometimes. Whenever I’m in a play.

it's electrifying

I thought this was an interesting tidbit, so I thought I'd share:

On this day in history, in 1752, Benjamin Franklin conducted an experiment to prove that lightning is electricity by flying a kite in a thunderstorm. Earlier, in 1750, he published a proposal for an experiment to prove that lightning is electricity by flying a kite in a storm that appeared capable of becoming a lightning storm. On May 10, 1752, Thomas-François Dalibard of France conducted Franklin's experiment (using a 40-foot-tall iron rod instead of a kite) and extracted electrical sparks from a cloud. On June 15, Franklin conducted his famous kite experiment and also successfully extracted sparks from a cloud (unaware that Dalibard had already done so, 36 days earlier).**

**note: the above passage was flagrantly stolen via copy/paste from Wikipedia.


That’s all. Class dismissed. No running in the hallways.

yowza!

You know you’re sick when you sneeze so fast and furious that there’s no time to get your hand and/or tissue over your mouth and your keyboard gets coated with alien looking slime. Gross.

down and dirty

no time for a well thought out post this week, kiddos. tech week (hell week) is upon us, as opening night this friday looms in the near horizon. i am sicker than a dog. the diva is divaing, the cutie is cutifying, and i am feeling a bit of pressure as the late comer with the bulk of the show resting upon my still developing character.

i've shifted hattie from being a happy camper to a sour puss, which works much better. it's not what you say but how you say it, and having her be a grumpy granny makes for a better transition for the end scene.

gotta run - 7pm rehearsal call.

sucky blog

My blog well has run dry. I can’t think of anything profound or witty to say. I guess I could talk about the show, but that seems so boring.

Opening night is next week. I still have a lot of memorizing to do. The cast has yet to be all together at one time. one of the main actors has shown up a total of… once…since i joined the cast. not excused, mind you. She just chooses not to show up. The one time she did she was wearing a bathing suit, and had a bit of a 'tude going on. I guess some people actually have a social life and hers was apparently being cramped. there has not been a full run though. For a professional play, this would spell disaster, but I think we’ll be okay. Everyone in the cast (sans me) has done this play before, so they pretty much know it down pat.



* * * Show Trivia * * *

Here’s my favorite line in the play: “Reesa Mae, why are you makin’ such a racket? You’re gonna wake the dead.”

…oh, and I sing a tad: “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine….” That’s all. Just that phrase.

The guy who plays my son is fairly easy on the eyes. I do not feel motherly towards him at all. He sings a lot in the play and has a nice voice..apparently he's easy on the ears, too. I must try be a very good actress and not let the audience get a hint of my racing pheromones.

We found a gray wig for me and I look like Vicki Lawrence dressed up as Momma.

Being the fantastic director that I am, I have to hold back re-directing the show. I have said, “Hey how about if we try this…” too many times, but can I be frank here? Most of my blocking sucks.

I asked the director a question about costuming and she replied, “Oh, I’m not a visual person.” What the??…directing is 99.99% visual. Sigh. No wonder my blocking sucks.


My next rehearsal is tomorrow night and this will be the very first time in four years that I have ever left my son with a (gasp) babysitter. My sister has always watched him on the rare occasion that I go out, and for him, it’s just playing with his cousins and hanging out with Auntie and Unc. It sure will be interesting to see how this plays out. The babysitter is a young 12 year old in my new neighborhood. My boy has joined her friends when playing outside, so he’ll know her, which is cool.

I have no idea how much to pay her. This is her first babysitting gig and her mom is kinda helping her, so it’ll be a joint effort. They have no idea what babysitters are making these days, so we’re all novices on this point. I do know I need to have ice cream in the freezer.

okay, okay, okay...one more quickie post

doesn't my ex-hubby #1 (the good ex; not the bad one) look a tiny bit like elvis?

all dressed up and nowhere to go

i haven't felt very bloggy lately, but i thought i'd share something that made me LOL today:



my rather conservative company sent out an email memo regarding appropriate corporate casual clothing for the upcoming summer months, accompanied by sample pictures of what's considered appropriate and not appropriate clothing options. one of the shoe "don't" examples cracked me up.




darn. now i have nowhere to wear my f-me pumps.