gather round, children and i will teach you the lesson i learned this week. yes, i, this just shy of 47, old dog, learned something significant about myself, and life.
throughout my whole life, when i've wanted something, i've not been shy about expressing my desires...as a kid i dreamed of owning a horse. every birthday and christmas, i let my parents and santa know, "i want a horse. pleeeeeaaase!!"
i prayed, i daydreamed, i tried to be extra specially good, thinking that these demonstrations of my desire would produce an end result. well, not so much happened in the results area in that particular quest.
romantically, perhaps i did the same thing. when i wanted a relationship to work, i tried extra hard, i ignored the red flags and said to myself that everyone has drawbacks...myself included, so i chose to work extra hard to make the relationship work, even if it had inherent flaws which made for a shaky foundation at best.
on my two date weekend with my ....bud, (which was fabulous, by the way) we came to a point where he mentioned commitment...i did what i historically NEVER do...i put on the brakes. now mind you, this is a man whom i kinda adore. he's not handsome or tall but he is special and has that 'something' that makes my heart go pitty pat. go figure.
over the past several weeks, i've been thinking, and thinking some more. we haven't talked on the phone very much, my bud and me.. and i guess that's okay. in the past i'd talk on the phone for hours til the wee hours of the morn, and guess what? that talker ended up being...just that. all talk and not much substance.
so. things are good. i'm not going all mooshy (well, okay, a little bit) and life goes on.
# # # # # #
on another note, this weekend i'm headin' on a road trip to hang with my mckteen in arizona! it'll be a quickie trip to see her off to her very first prom. driving 6 hours there and 6 hours back for a 30 minute photo session will be memory i will cherish forever - and i think she will, too.
i'm so excited!!
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
game o life
remember the game of life? spin the spinner and move toward college, career, marriage, kids, pay somes taxes, collect your salary and then it's a fast finish to the poor house or the lap o luxurious retirement mansion.
(wouldn't it be funny if they came out with a game of real life with lots of now-a-days life cards:
"probation officer sees you at strip club" lose your turn
"next door neighbor is arrested for meth lab in his garage" put your house on the market and pay more association dues
"co-worker gets a drunk at company party, loses the boss's respect" get promotion and big pay raise)
basically, i've been thinking about keeping my head on straight as i start to think about life outta the cave. as i've reconnected with an old friend and started to exchange emails, i found myself mentally racing around the game board, imagining all the future possibilities...then i reminded myself that my game piece is still on the Start square.
well, i got another email today, and i think i can officially move my game piece ahead a couple of spots. here's a sample:
"I am looking forward to getting together to collect on our little bet. (i owe him dinner from a bet we made at the st. paddy's party) But more importantly to begin to dialogue with you and to explore this opportunity that the Lord has brought us together to share in...there seems like so much to share but sharing it in an email and even over the phone just does not seem as good as being face to face with you."
yes, i'm pretty darn happy this evening. whether or not this turns into something romantically significant or not, i know that i am venturing back into my own game of life, and it feels good.
(wouldn't it be funny if they came out with a game of real life with lots of now-a-days life cards:
"probation officer sees you at strip club" lose your turn
"next door neighbor is arrested for meth lab in his garage" put your house on the market and pay more association dues
"co-worker gets a drunk at company party, loses the boss's respect" get promotion and big pay raise)
basically, i've been thinking about keeping my head on straight as i start to think about life outta the cave. as i've reconnected with an old friend and started to exchange emails, i found myself mentally racing around the game board, imagining all the future possibilities...then i reminded myself that my game piece is still on the Start square.
well, i got another email today, and i think i can officially move my game piece ahead a couple of spots. here's a sample:
"I am looking forward to getting together to collect on our little bet. (i owe him dinner from a bet we made at the st. paddy's party) But more importantly to begin to dialogue with you and to explore this opportunity that the Lord has brought us together to share in...there seems like so much to share but sharing it in an email and even over the phone just does not seem as good as being face to face with you."
yes, i'm pretty darn happy this evening. whether or not this turns into something romantically significant or not, i know that i am venturing back into my own game of life, and it feels good.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
emo post ending
here's the end of the st. paddy's day story. i'll make it short and sweet.
i spent the first part of the evening chatting with old friends...hit the wall of 'i don't like mingling. i'm uncomfortable, so i'm ready to go home", but then i saw a friend sitting out on the patio. i walked over, sat and talked with him for the rest of the evening...more like into the wee hours.
we've known each other for around 12 years. in my single years i dated one of his best friends. we were team leaders, so we worked together often.
we lost touch when i got married; however he's one of those people i always love to see. i get a little bit happier when he's around.
(side bar: in fact i had just read an article about this very feeling that morning. i think reading that article helped motivate me to get out and reconnect.)
well, my old buddy and i, we've been emailing a little bit..and i wonder if....maybe..something might develop.
how awkward to wonder if someone else feels the potential, too.
ugggh.
being out of the cave and in the sun can feel vulnerable, exciting and back to vulnerable...then back to exciting and vulnerable again.
i feel a tiny bit exposed. where's my fig leaf?
i spent the first part of the evening chatting with old friends...hit the wall of 'i don't like mingling. i'm uncomfortable, so i'm ready to go home", but then i saw a friend sitting out on the patio. i walked over, sat and talked with him for the rest of the evening...more like into the wee hours.
we've known each other for around 12 years. in my single years i dated one of his best friends. we were team leaders, so we worked together often.
we lost touch when i got married; however he's one of those people i always love to see. i get a little bit happier when he's around.
(side bar: in fact i had just read an article about this very feeling that morning. i think reading that article helped motivate me to get out and reconnect.)
well, my old buddy and i, we've been emailing a little bit..and i wonder if....maybe..something might develop.
how awkward to wonder if someone else feels the potential, too.
ugggh.
being out of the cave and in the sun can feel vulnerable, exciting and back to vulnerable...then back to exciting and vulnerable again.
i feel a tiny bit exposed. where's my fig leaf?
momma's lessons in life
mckid surprised me the other day. his preschool teacher told me he pulled down his pants on the playground. i gave him the standard mom speech about private parts and making good choices, even if the bad choices are much funnier.
driving home we talked about the concepts of public decency and what's okay and not okay to do in public. i figured a little punishment was in order.
i told him, "you don't get to watch your tv show tonight while i make dinner. i get to watch one of my shows."
This is the ultimate torture for a five year old.
my fool proof plan backfired when i picked a tivo'd program, The Kennedy Center Presents. It was the 2005 Mark Twain Prize, going to Mr. Steve Martin. mckid was sufficiently bored until the Flydini clip came on.
mckid's responses were so genuinely funny. here's some of the stuff he said as he watched...
"how does he do that magic? maybe he's a chicken."
"the cigarette comes outta his pants?!"
"another egg?!" hahahahaha!
"flowers?! how does he do this magic?!"
"momma! now a puppet came outta his pants! a puppet is singing! how is a puppet singing???!!!
haaaahaaahahhaahaaaaaahhaha!
'now THAT was a funny thing. i wanna see that again."
*singing ala pavarotti*
"a puuuuuuppet came ouuuuutta his paaaaaaants!
sometimes the lesson a momma intends, teaches a completely different lesson.
driving home we talked about the concepts of public decency and what's okay and not okay to do in public. i figured a little punishment was in order.
i told him, "you don't get to watch your tv show tonight while i make dinner. i get to watch one of my shows."
This is the ultimate torture for a five year old.
my fool proof plan backfired when i picked a tivo'd program, The Kennedy Center Presents. It was the 2005 Mark Twain Prize, going to Mr. Steve Martin. mckid was sufficiently bored until the Flydini clip came on.
mckid's responses were so genuinely funny. here's some of the stuff he said as he watched...
"how does he do that magic? maybe he's a chicken."
"the cigarette comes outta his pants?!"
"another egg?!" hahahahaha!
"flowers?! how does he do this magic?!"
"momma! now a puppet came outta his pants! a puppet is singing! how is a puppet singing???!!!
haaaahaaahahhaahaaaaaahhaha!
'now THAT was a funny thing. i wanna see that again."
*singing ala pavarotti*
"a puuuuuuppet came ouuuuutta his paaaaaaants!
sometimes the lesson a momma intends, teaches a completely different lesson.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
cavewoman emerges
where to begin? i kinda lied...i didn't have writer's block. i just got tired of being lonely, depressed, and avoiding my legal battle. blah blogging ...poor me - bores me.
"if ya can't think of anything nice to type, don't type anything at all"
so i had to stop.
i knew i was in a much longer funk than i've ever experienced, but i didn't have enough hutzpah to snap out of it. holidays blahs? maybe. i thought about seeing a doc but i didn't want to be dependent on anti-depressants or the salve of paying someone with a degree to listen to my problems. i knew my problems. i knew what i needed to do, but i couldn't move. i had a mental paralysis and was stuck in 'wallowing-in my-crap' mode.
not at work, mind you. i've been working harder than ever..even without a boss. people thought that when my CIO resigned i'd be coming in later (yep, i did..i loved having more morning time with mckid) and leaving early (nope, i stayed late), but basically i've thrown myself into my work...even more so now that the new CIO is here and going like gangbusters. 9.5 hour work days are the norm. i skip lunch and work nonstop. focusing on work was (is) another way to avoid the pain, and it has benefits - career stability, an awesome review, bonus and pay raise (woo!)....well, that's just wishful thinking on the pay raise part. that won't be determined or announced for another month, but my fingers are crossed and things look good.
at home, i've been stagnant. loss of marriage, loss of friends, loss of daughter, home, job. it was too much; especially losing my daughter. it was as if i had been in a horrific car accident and the body goes into shock in order to survive.
i've felt the stagnancy in my spirituality, as well. loss of faith at a time when i needed something to hold onto cut me to the core. i let go of God. another broken relationship. how sad He must be to see me hurting and pushing Him away. ah well. a parent's love is long suffering and i'm starting to come around..
back in october when i got the news of my CIO quitting, it put me in a tailspin and i reached out to an old friend. she has an annual halloween party and i hadn't been in years, but i knew i could show up. i was a little hesitant, because she was my truest friend...honest to the core - she'd always call it as she sees it. no sugar coating, which i find refreshing. anyways, she was my pre-marriage friend. we were spiritual core team leaders for years and i made the all too common mistake of losing touch with my single friends when i got married. i wasn't too sure if she'd see me as a flake.
i should have known better. i was welcomed in like the prodigal gal. tears, hugs, quiet 1:1 talk in the backyard as the party went on inside.
i really needed a good faithful friend. i told her i was coming out of my cave and she understood. she sent me an email calling me cavewoman, and i knew i was slowing emerging, with the help of a funny, faithful friend.
holidays were ....survived. good moments, bittersweet moments. i love my daughter so much, i want her here with me all the time, not just the holidays. is it selfish to want so much more? my goal is to do and honor what's best for her -not me. ah, life. bittersweet.
i've gone on several dates with one man, whom my sister adores and wants me to marry, but i have no romantic feelings for him. we talk well. easy, smooth, honest. he's a good friend, but i hold back because he has feelings for me and i don't want to hurt him. i've felt that i'm too bruised and damaged to ever want to remarry again. to put that much trust and faith into a relationship is too much to think about. i've told myself i'm done with all that.
but being alone is so painful.
working late this past friday and going home to an empty house was ...heartachingly sad. i went to blockbuster to rent a movie and i wondered how many other people in that store or in my neighborhood were going through the motions and feeling the same levels of loneliness. i just needed a friend or two.
...more to come....
* * * * * ** * *
(i know this post is maudlin, but it's real and not fluff. there's positive stuff coming. i just ran out of time for blogging. had to get the laundry done, vacuum, clean the carpet where the mutt left a nice chocolate surprise...not THAT kind of a surprise. he got into a packet of chocolate protein drink. i had a chocolate stain on my carpet the size of a welcome mat.
my house smelled like a godiva store. talk about your aroma therapy.
:0)
* * * * * * * *
okay, back to mellow maudlin moments with mckay....
where was i?
mental funk... check.
working girl gone wild w/ overtime... check.
catholic coma... check.
former fab friend grabs lifeline..... check.
drab dates.... check.
all this and so much more!
former fab friend also hosts an annual st. paddy's day party. it's a great mix of folks. long time catholic singles group, full of fun, faith, service...these are not your bar hopping OC beach bombshells. they're real people - kind hearted with a deep spiritual calling that i find very attractive. the outside might not be much to behold on some. in fact in some respects the party might look like a bit of a nerd fest. but get to know these folks and you'll see the beauty.
so, i'm both looking forward to going to this little party and a little bit nervous. i don't do parties well. i'm not a great mingler. i'd much rather connect with one or two folks and have a good conversation.
i bring some of appetizers for the gang, two newcastle beers for myself and i feel lucky to park my car on a crowded neighborhood street and have a place to go...does that make sense? do you ever see cars lined up in the neighborhood and you know someone's having a party? that happens in my neighborhood all the time and i feel a pang in my chest...wanting to be on the invite list.
anyways, i feel a bit of joy in parking my car...silly, i know, but i was glad to have a place to go...i walk up to the door - that moment of ...will this be a good night, or a letdown - happens. i open the door, and i heard my name yelled by various peeps...
"hey, mck!!! where've you been?! come on in....let me help you carry that casserole dish," etc. warm fuzzies all around...granted, they'd been partying for an hour or so before i arrived, but hey, i'm not one to turn down a hug even if it might have been helped along with a heinekin.
* * * * * * * **
okay, i'm not one for writing huge blog entries, so i'll leave it at this for now...
"if ya can't think of anything nice to type, don't type anything at all"
so i had to stop.
i knew i was in a much longer funk than i've ever experienced, but i didn't have enough hutzpah to snap out of it. holidays blahs? maybe. i thought about seeing a doc but i didn't want to be dependent on anti-depressants or the salve of paying someone with a degree to listen to my problems. i knew my problems. i knew what i needed to do, but i couldn't move. i had a mental paralysis and was stuck in 'wallowing-in my-crap' mode.
not at work, mind you. i've been working harder than ever..even without a boss. people thought that when my CIO resigned i'd be coming in later (yep, i did..i loved having more morning time with mckid) and leaving early (nope, i stayed late), but basically i've thrown myself into my work...even more so now that the new CIO is here and going like gangbusters. 9.5 hour work days are the norm. i skip lunch and work nonstop. focusing on work was (is) another way to avoid the pain, and it has benefits - career stability, an awesome review, bonus and pay raise (woo!)....well, that's just wishful thinking on the pay raise part. that won't be determined or announced for another month, but my fingers are crossed and things look good.
at home, i've been stagnant. loss of marriage, loss of friends, loss of daughter, home, job. it was too much; especially losing my daughter. it was as if i had been in a horrific car accident and the body goes into shock in order to survive.
i've felt the stagnancy in my spirituality, as well. loss of faith at a time when i needed something to hold onto cut me to the core. i let go of God. another broken relationship. how sad He must be to see me hurting and pushing Him away. ah well. a parent's love is long suffering and i'm starting to come around..
back in october when i got the news of my CIO quitting, it put me in a tailspin and i reached out to an old friend. she has an annual halloween party and i hadn't been in years, but i knew i could show up. i was a little hesitant, because she was my truest friend...honest to the core - she'd always call it as she sees it. no sugar coating, which i find refreshing. anyways, she was my pre-marriage friend. we were spiritual core team leaders for years and i made the all too common mistake of losing touch with my single friends when i got married. i wasn't too sure if she'd see me as a flake.
i should have known better. i was welcomed in like the prodigal gal. tears, hugs, quiet 1:1 talk in the backyard as the party went on inside.
i really needed a good faithful friend. i told her i was coming out of my cave and she understood. she sent me an email calling me cavewoman, and i knew i was slowing emerging, with the help of a funny, faithful friend.
holidays were ....survived. good moments, bittersweet moments. i love my daughter so much, i want her here with me all the time, not just the holidays. is it selfish to want so much more? my goal is to do and honor what's best for her -not me. ah, life. bittersweet.
i've gone on several dates with one man, whom my sister adores and wants me to marry, but i have no romantic feelings for him. we talk well. easy, smooth, honest. he's a good friend, but i hold back because he has feelings for me and i don't want to hurt him. i've felt that i'm too bruised and damaged to ever want to remarry again. to put that much trust and faith into a relationship is too much to think about. i've told myself i'm done with all that.
but being alone is so painful.
working late this past friday and going home to an empty house was ...heartachingly sad. i went to blockbuster to rent a movie and i wondered how many other people in that store or in my neighborhood were going through the motions and feeling the same levels of loneliness. i just needed a friend or two.
...more to come....
* * * * * ** * *
(i know this post is maudlin, but it's real and not fluff. there's positive stuff coming. i just ran out of time for blogging. had to get the laundry done, vacuum, clean the carpet where the mutt left a nice chocolate surprise...not THAT kind of a surprise. he got into a packet of chocolate protein drink. i had a chocolate stain on my carpet the size of a welcome mat.
my house smelled like a godiva store. talk about your aroma therapy.
:0)
* * * * * * * *
okay, back to mellow maudlin moments with mckay....
where was i?
mental funk... check.
working girl gone wild w/ overtime... check.
catholic coma... check.
former fab friend grabs lifeline..... check.
drab dates.... check.
all this and so much more!
former fab friend also hosts an annual st. paddy's day party. it's a great mix of folks. long time catholic singles group, full of fun, faith, service...these are not your bar hopping OC beach bombshells. they're real people - kind hearted with a deep spiritual calling that i find very attractive. the outside might not be much to behold on some. in fact in some respects the party might look like a bit of a nerd fest. but get to know these folks and you'll see the beauty.
so, i'm both looking forward to going to this little party and a little bit nervous. i don't do parties well. i'm not a great mingler. i'd much rather connect with one or two folks and have a good conversation.
i bring some of appetizers for the gang, two newcastle beers for myself and i feel lucky to park my car on a crowded neighborhood street and have a place to go...does that make sense? do you ever see cars lined up in the neighborhood and you know someone's having a party? that happens in my neighborhood all the time and i feel a pang in my chest...wanting to be on the invite list.
anyways, i feel a bit of joy in parking my car...silly, i know, but i was glad to have a place to go...i walk up to the door - that moment of ...will this be a good night, or a letdown - happens. i open the door, and i heard my name yelled by various peeps...
"hey, mck!!! where've you been?! come on in....let me help you carry that casserole dish," etc. warm fuzzies all around...granted, they'd been partying for an hour or so before i arrived, but hey, i'm not one to turn down a hug even if it might have been helped along with a heinekin.
* * * * * * * **
okay, i'm not one for writing huge blog entries, so i'll leave it at this for now...
Sunday, March 11, 2007
creeped me out, man
didja ever have one of those moments that was creepy, scary and surreal? i had one yesterday. i was out for a nice walk with mckid and the dog. mckid was ahead on his lil fireball of a toddler bike and i was a bit further back walking with the dog. we were three-quarters of the way home after getting a bite to eat at the neighborhood carl's jr.
the whole walk i kept shouting at my lil powerhouse to slow down, turn around and come back closer to me..safety in numbers...stop before the curb....make sure i can see you. he just wanted to keep peddling as fast as he could, just like a little boy should.
well, there he was, going like gang busters down the last stretch of the main road and then i saw it.
a white van driving so slow it seemed odd. there were no street signs for a driver to be searching for. the van slowed down almost to a stop. i had a vision of it stopping, the side door opening and my boy vanishing. ..and i was just too far away to stop it from happening.
i gave the driver the evil eye from hell and was ready to let my golden retriever/pitbull of a mutt go, in the hopes of him transforming from a lovable lug into a mix of lassie, krypto the superdog and cujo.
the van took off. i had my eyes on my boy, then i turned around to get the plate and it was gone. vanished...must have floored it to be gone so fast. and that was that.
did i imagine it? was i a bit paranoid? i'll never know. i do know my boy is save and i'm buying a bike so i can keep up with him.
the whole walk i kept shouting at my lil powerhouse to slow down, turn around and come back closer to me..safety in numbers...stop before the curb....make sure i can see you. he just wanted to keep peddling as fast as he could, just like a little boy should.
well, there he was, going like gang busters down the last stretch of the main road and then i saw it.
a white van driving so slow it seemed odd. there were no street signs for a driver to be searching for. the van slowed down almost to a stop. i had a vision of it stopping, the side door opening and my boy vanishing. ..and i was just too far away to stop it from happening.
i gave the driver the evil eye from hell and was ready to let my golden retriever/pitbull of a mutt go, in the hopes of him transforming from a lovable lug into a mix of lassie, krypto the superdog and cujo. the van took off. i had my eyes on my boy, then i turned around to get the plate and it was gone. vanished...must have floored it to be gone so fast. and that was that.
did i imagine it? was i a bit paranoid? i'll never know. i do know my boy is save and i'm buying a bike so i can keep up with him.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
how mckay deals with writer's block
contents of my purse:
wallet bought on the streets of italy for 20 dollars in 2001:
amc movie ticket envelope containing 10 .02 cent stamps
assorted plastic rewards cards
drivers license
two credit cards
assorted receipts
spafinder gift certificate christmas 2005
sharper image gift card
victoria secret gift card
edwards movie re-entry coupon
amc discount movie coupon
grocery pet food rewards coupon for 9.00
21 .39 cent stamps
family picture
2 dance photos of my daughter
two dollars
3.15 in change
1 safety pin
checkbook bought in 1977. quality lasts.
little zipper bag: (purchased in 1980):
covergirl compact
four lipgloss thingies
three lip liners
two clinique lipsticks
tampon
hairclip
airbrush
anti-diarrheal medicine (for that beef strogonoff made with bad sour cream)
one puzzle piece
altoids
office max letter opener
OPI nail lacquer
driving glasses
sunglasses
plastic wrapper for an after dinner mint
hallmark paper bag:
birthday card for my cool cousin mary kay
birthday card for cool blogger, neil kramer
happy birthday, ya big lug!!! neilochka, you are truly the most awesome blogger i've never met. you're witty with a wide range of posts that always amuse and entertain me. i was so surprised and touched when you responded to my blog post looking for enthusiastic sponsors for my susan g. komen 5k in honor of my mom's memory. you came through with words of encouragement AND a donation. wow. very impressive :0)
well, i am the queen of keeping secrets, but i will give you a hint on what i plan to get in the mail this week (better late than never, as the saying goes...)
in the card you will receive two items from my purse.
happy birthday!!!
love and cyberhugs to you and your wonderful better half, sophia,
mck.
wallet bought on the streets of italy for 20 dollars in 2001:
amc movie ticket envelope containing 10 .02 cent stamps
assorted plastic rewards cards
drivers license
two credit cards
assorted receipts
spafinder gift certificate christmas 2005
sharper image gift card
victoria secret gift card
edwards movie re-entry coupon
amc discount movie coupon
grocery pet food rewards coupon for 9.00
21 .39 cent stamps
family picture
2 dance photos of my daughter
two dollars
3.15 in change
1 safety pin
checkbook bought in 1977. quality lasts.
little zipper bag: (purchased in 1980):
covergirl compact
four lipgloss thingies
three lip liners
two clinique lipsticks
tampon
hairclip
airbrush
anti-diarrheal medicine (for that beef strogonoff made with bad sour cream)
one puzzle piece
altoids
office max letter opener
OPI nail lacquer
driving glasses
sunglasses
plastic wrapper for an after dinner mint
hallmark paper bag:
birthday card for my cool cousin mary kay
birthday card for cool blogger, neil kramer
happy birthday, ya big lug!!! neilochka, you are truly the most awesome blogger i've never met. you're witty with a wide range of posts that always amuse and entertain me. i was so surprised and touched when you responded to my blog post looking for enthusiastic sponsors for my susan g. komen 5k in honor of my mom's memory. you came through with words of encouragement AND a donation. wow. very impressive :0)
well, i am the queen of keeping secrets, but i will give you a hint on what i plan to get in the mail this week (better late than never, as the saying goes...)
in the card you will receive two items from my purse.
happy birthday!!!
love and cyberhugs to you and your wonderful better half, sophia,
mck.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
the 'comment on my comment' post
i have several blogs i like to read (kinda like my childhood favorite sunday comics) and one of them happens to be called rocks in my dryer. her campy writing and bloggy mommy household hints are a tiny bit addictive. every once in a while i'll leave a comment, but she gets so many moms chattering, my occasional blurb, alas, go unnoticed, so i usually just read and run.
not tonight, however. it may be conceited on my part, but i felt i left the perfect comment (i'm a closet comment junkie....leave a funny, snarky comment hit and run). i guess it's my frustrated comedy writer fixation. anyways, i fear my lovely comment will die a quiet death, so i thought i'd share it with you.
you'll get to read a new blog, read the comments, and most importantly, give me your honest feedback on my comment.
love,
mck.
eh, i just re-read the comment after making sure the link worked correctly. it's not as funny as i thought...whatever. go read and at least you'll get to see another mommy blog. can you tell i can't sleep tonight?
not tonight, however. it may be conceited on my part, but i felt i left the perfect comment (i'm a closet comment junkie....leave a funny, snarky comment hit and run). i guess it's my frustrated comedy writer fixation. anyways, i fear my lovely comment will die a quiet death, so i thought i'd share it with you.
you'll get to read a new blog, read the comments, and most importantly, give me your honest feedback on my comment.
love,
mck.
eh, i just re-read the comment after making sure the link worked correctly. it's not as funny as i thought...whatever. go read and at least you'll get to see another mommy blog. can you tell i can't sleep tonight?
Saturday, January 06, 2007
get well wishes for teri garr
last march i went to the LA Times book fair on a quest for a pal in texas. my goal was to get comic/tv talk show host, craig ferguson's autograph on a piece of plastic fruit and mail it to my pal. sounds a bit crazy, i know, but i had an afternoon to kill, the weather was great, and i rarely get up to LA, so i decided to go check things out at the fair.
after getting ferg's autograph on the fruit, i looked around for other points of interest and ended up at teri garr's booth.
i've always felt a kinship with her, as i could completely relate to her goofy personality and quirky comedic timing. maybe i subconsciously modeled myself after her in my acting choices, i don't know. i did buy the dvd young frankenstein on a quest to learn a german accent for an audition, and i've had so much fun watching that movie over and over.
i'm rambling. sorry. well, i asked her sign a piece of plastic fruit in exchange for my buying her book (she thought it an odd request just like craig ferg did). in the .75 minute i spoke with her, i found her to be witty, charming and down to earth. needless to say, i was impressed. look at that picture. doesn't she look like she'd be a great next door neighbor?
well, i just finished reading her book where she describes her early career dancing in elvis movies, being a regular on the sonny and cher show, and buying art with steve martin, as well as her boyfriend woes and health struggles.
i thought i'd google her today to look for a website to tell her how much i enjoyed her book and her positive outlook on dealing with screwy men, hollywood and MS - not necessarily in that order. wikipedia mentions this:
"On December 21st 2006 she suffered a brain aneurysm in her Los Angeles area home; her 13-year-old daughter called for help when she couldn't rouse her. Following surgery, her publicist Heidi Schaeffer said she expects Garr to make a full recovery."
oh my. aneurysms are big time serious. a close friend of my sister's dropped down dead from a brain aneurysm.
teri garr's daughter was at the book signing that day, helping to steady her mom's hand as she signed so many books, which was touching to see. dang, if i had known about her having MS i wouldn't have had her sign a damn apple. the MS thing took me by surprise. i sincerely hope her daughter is okay, dealing with the trauma of finding her mom so ill and having to call for help.
i wish ms. garr a speedy recovery and her daughter comfort in a time of stress.
after getting ferg's autograph on the fruit, i looked around for other points of interest and ended up at teri garr's booth.
i've always felt a kinship with her, as i could completely relate to her goofy personality and quirky comedic timing. maybe i subconsciously modeled myself after her in my acting choices, i don't know. i did buy the dvd young frankenstein on a quest to learn a german accent for an audition, and i've had so much fun watching that movie over and over.
i'm rambling. sorry. well, i asked her sign a piece of plastic fruit in exchange for my buying her book (she thought it an odd request just like craig ferg did). in the .75 minute i spoke with her, i found her to be witty, charming and down to earth. needless to say, i was impressed. look at that picture. doesn't she look like she'd be a great next door neighbor?
well, i just finished reading her book where she describes her early career dancing in elvis movies, being a regular on the sonny and cher show, and buying art with steve martin, as well as her boyfriend woes and health struggles.
i thought i'd google her today to look for a website to tell her how much i enjoyed her book and her positive outlook on dealing with screwy men, hollywood and MS - not necessarily in that order. wikipedia mentions this:
"On December 21st 2006 she suffered a brain aneurysm in her Los Angeles area home; her 13-year-old daughter called for help when she couldn't rouse her. Following surgery, her publicist Heidi Schaeffer said she expects Garr to make a full recovery."
oh my. aneurysms are big time serious. a close friend of my sister's dropped down dead from a brain aneurysm.
teri garr's daughter was at the book signing that day, helping to steady her mom's hand as she signed so many books, which was touching to see. dang, if i had known about her having MS i wouldn't have had her sign a damn apple. the MS thing took me by surprise. i sincerely hope her daughter is okay, dealing with the trauma of finding her mom so ill and having to call for help.
i wish ms. garr a speedy recovery and her daughter comfort in a time of stress.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
what to get??
i've gotta Sharper Image gift card burning a hole in my pocket. i've had it for about a year now, because i watched an online webinar (is that redundant?) for some IT vendor. It's for a whopping $100 and i really want to spend it, but so much of the stuff in that store is comical cr@p for people who have way too much money to spend. once i bought a battery operated nose hair trimmer for my hubby. that seemed to be a waste of moola, and dang!, that trimmer hurt!!
well, i started to shop for something i wanted and neeced, but really couldn't find anything that made sense to me. i really wanted a nice 7x magnifying mirror. the ones they had were just average and now quite what i was looking for.
then i saw what i REALLY REALLY REALLY want. please don't laugh, but i want a roomba. that lil circular vacuuming robot. have you seen how expensive they are?! yikes.
i mean, i truly hate vacuuming - or , more accurately, i hate lugging the vacuum up and down the stairs. well, anyways, i kinda want to use the card to get a roomba, but i'd be spending another 200.00 bucks to get one, since they cost around 300.00 with tax. oy!
this is why i still have the card. i don't know what to do. what would YOU buy at Sharper Image if you had a 100 gift card?
well, i started to shop for something i wanted and neeced, but really couldn't find anything that made sense to me. i really wanted a nice 7x magnifying mirror. the ones they had were just average and now quite what i was looking for.
then i saw what i REALLY REALLY REALLY want. please don't laugh, but i want a roomba. that lil circular vacuuming robot. have you seen how expensive they are?! yikes.
i mean, i truly hate vacuuming - or , more accurately, i hate lugging the vacuum up and down the stairs. well, anyways, i kinda want to use the card to get a roomba, but i'd be spending another 200.00 bucks to get one, since they cost around 300.00 with tax. oy!
this is why i still have the card. i don't know what to do. what would YOU buy at Sharper Image if you had a 100 gift card?
Monday, January 01, 2007
day 1/2007
sorry, gang. i fell asleep and only woke up at midnight when the disneyland fireworks scared the dogs.
what next, you ask? here's what's happened so far today:
i saved the champagne for my favorite drink ever: the bellini (someday i'll go back to harry's bar for another round of the real thing):
i made pancakes for the boy:
and coffee for me:
watched the rose parade w/ lucas as the grand marshall (the boy loved seeing the star wars characters)...yes, i want michigan to win (don't tell my family - they'd be shocked):
and we played hullabaloo:
.
if this is any indication how busy 2007 will be, i'd say i better buy some running shoes!
happy new year, everyone!
mck.
what next, you ask? here's what's happened so far today:
i saved the champagne for my favorite drink ever: the bellini (someday i'll go back to harry's bar for another round of the real thing):
i made pancakes for the boy:
and coffee for me:
watched the rose parade w/ lucas as the grand marshall (the boy loved seeing the star wars characters)...yes, i want michigan to win (don't tell my family - they'd be shocked):
and we played hullabaloo:
.if this is any indication how busy 2007 will be, i'd say i better buy some running shoes!
happy new year, everyone!
mck.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
happy happy
okay, gang, for all the folks who decided to stay home tonight, put on your party hats:
throw some confetti:
and do a lil dancin:
i'll come back later with water bottles and champagne :0)
your hostess with the mostest,
mck.
throw some confetti:
and do a lil dancin:
i'll come back later with water bottles and champagne :0)
your hostess with the mostest,
mck.
a holiday wish
my cyber bud, steve, sends his holiday wish. it's a little dated, but the sentiment is still relevant for today's world.
watching this clip reminded me of when i was a kid and santa was coming to visit our school. all the students were to write their christmas wishes to santa. i wrote,
Dear Santa,
For my Christmas wish I just want there to be peace on Earth - and a hang ten shirt.
Love,
mckay
well, the big day arrived and we all handed our letters to the teacher, then we lined up to go outside and watch santa arrive. i guess he had some pretty good connections - he was being flown in by the newport beach police in their new helicopter. the helicopter landed in a flurry of whipped up wind and asphalt pebbles. we fought to hold down our catholic school uniform skirts and still wave frantically to santa. the letters were delivered to santa by our principal, santa told us to be good and before we knew it, he flew away in the police helicopter.
wow! my first brush with fame. i was giddy and all a twitter. how could i go back into the classroom and thing about math when i had just seen a real life holiday icon? somehow the teacher got us back into the classroom and focused on the tasks in our little classroom world. maybe we finished our parents' classroom gifts, i don't remember.
but i do remember a week later, my mom showed me the local newspaper and how my letter to santa made the front page. seeing santa was one thing, but seeing my name in print was a whole new ball of wax. yeah, santa was a world wide celebrity, but i had my first 15 minutes of fame...or at least for however long it took folks to read the santa story headline before the paper lined tweety's bird cage.
could this have been the start of my childhood lust for fame and the subsequent fantasizing about becoming the newest member of the brady bunch? perhaps, but i sure have another vivid memory of being a six year old at a family reunion - getting all my relatives to stop talking and watch me pretend to faint, so maybe the published letter wasn't the exact start.
these days i don't want fame, but i still love making people laugh, cry or feel something profoundly undefinable. i do wish for peace on earth, but now i know that only happens in movies like lost horizon.
...and the wish for a hang ten shirt has been replaced by lusting for a pair of ugg boots and a new set of calphalon cookware.
happy holidays, everyone!
watching this clip reminded me of when i was a kid and santa was coming to visit our school. all the students were to write their christmas wishes to santa. i wrote,
Dear Santa,
For my Christmas wish I just want there to be peace on Earth - and a hang ten shirt.
Love,
mckay
well, the big day arrived and we all handed our letters to the teacher, then we lined up to go outside and watch santa arrive. i guess he had some pretty good connections - he was being flown in by the newport beach police in their new helicopter. the helicopter landed in a flurry of whipped up wind and asphalt pebbles. we fought to hold down our catholic school uniform skirts and still wave frantically to santa. the letters were delivered to santa by our principal, santa told us to be good and before we knew it, he flew away in the police helicopter.
wow! my first brush with fame. i was giddy and all a twitter. how could i go back into the classroom and thing about math when i had just seen a real life holiday icon? somehow the teacher got us back into the classroom and focused on the tasks in our little classroom world. maybe we finished our parents' classroom gifts, i don't remember.
but i do remember a week later, my mom showed me the local newspaper and how my letter to santa made the front page. seeing santa was one thing, but seeing my name in print was a whole new ball of wax. yeah, santa was a world wide celebrity, but i had my first 15 minutes of fame...or at least for however long it took folks to read the santa story headline before the paper lined tweety's bird cage.
could this have been the start of my childhood lust for fame and the subsequent fantasizing about becoming the newest member of the brady bunch? perhaps, but i sure have another vivid memory of being a six year old at a family reunion - getting all my relatives to stop talking and watch me pretend to faint, so maybe the published letter wasn't the exact start.
these days i don't want fame, but i still love making people laugh, cry or feel something profoundly undefinable. i do wish for peace on earth, but now i know that only happens in movies like lost horizon.
...and the wish for a hang ten shirt has been replaced by lusting for a pair of ugg boots and a new set of calphalon cookware.
happy holidays, everyone!
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Merry Christams to you!!
oooooh, tis the season to be jolly!
so, are you in the mood yet? it takes me a while to get revved up, to get me convinced that all the tinsel and caroling is a wonderful thing, but once i get there, i'm all about christmas. just like someone who's grumpy in the morning, i can be a downright scrooge the first three weeks in november. don't even THINK about singing jingle bells or putting up decorations before thanksgiving - i just might give you a sour puss look, but knock on my door with egg nog on the 12th and i will invite you in for some fresh baked christmas cookies and show you how to make a gingerbread house out of pop tarts.
i've done some of my shopping (power shopping at target put a huge dent in my christmas list), but i still have lots to do at the mall (blech. i'll never like the mall).
#*#*#*#*#*#
okay, so the above blurb was a draft from 12/12. now it's 6:00 a.a. on the 23rd.
we had our poptart gingerbread house party last night. my son opened his presents from the auntie, unc and cousins before he goes to do chrsimas with his dad. i'm still trying to figure out when to 'do christmas' with my son. this will be the first year that my son starts the 'every other year' christmas shuffle, and i'm trying to figure out how to make it go smoothly for the boy.
i'm in the mood for the holiday...friends and family getting together - boat parade parties - work events - getting ready for the christmas eve bash, getting ready to go to christmas eve mass to hear my niece sing in the children's choir...all this is the good stuff.
...what i'm dreading is the other stuff: last minute shopping, trying to find a parking spot at the mall, fitting in the kid's portrait and having the boy to his meet and greet with santa. all today. i better go make some coffee.
here's my Christmas present to you:
http://www.elfyourself.com/?userid=0aa0303769eb6ed6c8569fbG06122212
enjoy!
fondly,
mck.
so, are you in the mood yet? it takes me a while to get revved up, to get me convinced that all the tinsel and caroling is a wonderful thing, but once i get there, i'm all about christmas. just like someone who's grumpy in the morning, i can be a downright scrooge the first three weeks in november. don't even THINK about singing jingle bells or putting up decorations before thanksgiving - i just might give you a sour puss look, but knock on my door with egg nog on the 12th and i will invite you in for some fresh baked christmas cookies and show you how to make a gingerbread house out of pop tarts.
i've done some of my shopping (power shopping at target put a huge dent in my christmas list), but i still have lots to do at the mall (blech. i'll never like the mall).
#*#*#*#*#*#
okay, so the above blurb was a draft from 12/12. now it's 6:00 a.a. on the 23rd.
we had our poptart gingerbread house party last night. my son opened his presents from the auntie, unc and cousins before he goes to do chrsimas with his dad. i'm still trying to figure out when to 'do christmas' with my son. this will be the first year that my son starts the 'every other year' christmas shuffle, and i'm trying to figure out how to make it go smoothly for the boy.
i'm in the mood for the holiday...friends and family getting together - boat parade parties - work events - getting ready for the christmas eve bash, getting ready to go to christmas eve mass to hear my niece sing in the children's choir...all this is the good stuff.
...what i'm dreading is the other stuff: last minute shopping, trying to find a parking spot at the mall, fitting in the kid's portrait and having the boy to his meet and greet with santa. all today. i better go make some coffee.
here's my Christmas present to you:
http://www.elfyourself.com/?userid=0aa0303769eb6ed6c8569fbG06122212
enjoy!
fondly,
mck.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
mckay predicts the future
SNL will have a skit about miss usa in group therapy rehab....wearing her crown. others in the group therapy will be pissed that she got to keep her crown. a brawl will ensue over the crown, it may end with girls kissing. i don't know.
oy!
Monday, December 18, 2006
today's topic
again, i've nothing profound to blog, so i'll vamp until inspiration strikes. didja hear about the olive garden outbreak? it seems over 300 people became violently ill at an indiana olive garden. if i remember correctly, it was first attributed to a possible ecoli virus, but that now seems to not be the case. in my college years i worked part time for a restaurant chain (el torito in restaurant row, for you savvy san diegians and foo foo las brisas for the jet set set). anyways, my thought is this: restaurant staff have been known to scrounge on the high end left overs on customers' plates.
there. i said it. it's not a pretty fact, but it's true.
someone orders a $40.00 surf and turf, but they fill up on the vintner's cab and warm bread. they're late meeting marg and phil at the pageant of the masters, so they leave the lobster tail and the medium rare filet half eaten as they dash to the evening of art under the stars.
cut to the kitchen - waiters are crowded around the plates from table five - scarfing on lobster, filet mignon and creme brule. fact. sad, but true.
said staff then takes out a new plate of food to a new table....hence, germs get spread. i'm just sayin', it's not always about washing hands after using the potty.
there. i said it. it's not a pretty fact, but it's true.
someone orders a $40.00 surf and turf, but they fill up on the vintner's cab and warm bread. they're late meeting marg and phil at the pageant of the masters, so they leave the lobster tail and the medium rare filet half eaten as they dash to the evening of art under the stars.cut to the kitchen - waiters are crowded around the plates from table five - scarfing on lobster, filet mignon and creme brule. fact. sad, but true.
said staff then takes out a new plate of food to a new table....hence, germs get spread. i'm just sayin', it's not always about washing hands after using the potty.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Merry Christams to you!!
oooooh, tis the season to be jolly!
so, are you in the mood yet? it takes me a while to get revved up, to get me convinced that all the tinsel and caroling is a wonderful thing, but once i get there, i'm all about christmas. just like someone who's grumpy in the morning, i can be a downright scrooge the first three weeks in november. don't even THINK about singing jingle bells or putting up decorations before thanksgiving - i just might give you a sour puss look, but knock on my door with egg nog on the 12th and i will invite you in for some fresh baked christmas cookies and show you how to make a gingerbread house out of pop tarts.
i've done some of my shopping (power shopping at target put a huge dent in my christmas list), but i still have lots to do at the mall (blech. i'll never like the mall).
#*#*#*#*#*#
okay, so the above blurb was a draft from 12/12. now it's 6:00 a.a. on the 23rd. we had our poptart gingerbread house party last night. my son opened his presents from the auntie, unc and cousins before he goes to do chrsimas with his dad. i'm still trying to figure out when to 'do christmas' with my son. this will be the first year that my son starts the 'every other year' christmas shuffle, and i'm trying to figure out how to make it go smoothly for the boy.
i'm in the mood for the holiday...friends and family getting together - boat parade parties - work events - getting ready for the christmas eve bash, getting ready to go to christmas eve mass to hear my niece sing in the children's choir...all this is the good stuff.
...what i'm dreading is the other stuff: last minute shopping, trying to find a parking spot at the mall, fitting in the kid's portrait and having the boy to his meet and greet with santa. all today. i better go make some coffee.
Merry Christmas!!!
fondly,
mck.
so, are you in the mood yet? it takes me a while to get revved up, to get me convinced that all the tinsel and caroling is a wonderful thing, but once i get there, i'm all about christmas. just like someone who's grumpy in the morning, i can be a downright scrooge the first three weeks in november. don't even THINK about singing jingle bells or putting up decorations before thanksgiving - i just might give you a sour puss look, but knock on my door with egg nog on the 12th and i will invite you in for some fresh baked christmas cookies and show you how to make a gingerbread house out of pop tarts.
i've done some of my shopping (power shopping at target put a huge dent in my christmas list), but i still have lots to do at the mall (blech. i'll never like the mall).
#*#*#*#*#*#
okay, so the above blurb was a draft from 12/12. now it's 6:00 a.a. on the 23rd. we had our poptart gingerbread house party last night. my son opened his presents from the auntie, unc and cousins before he goes to do chrsimas with his dad. i'm still trying to figure out when to 'do christmas' with my son. this will be the first year that my son starts the 'every other year' christmas shuffle, and i'm trying to figure out how to make it go smoothly for the boy.
i'm in the mood for the holiday...friends and family getting together - boat parade parties - work events - getting ready for the christmas eve bash, getting ready to go to christmas eve mass to hear my niece sing in the children's choir...all this is the good stuff.
...what i'm dreading is the other stuff: last minute shopping, trying to find a parking spot at the mall, fitting in the kid's portrait and having the boy to his meet and greet with santa. all today. i better go make some coffee.
Merry Christmas!!!
fondly,
mck.
Monday, December 04, 2006
dennis prager's sound american thinking is under attack
i just read this on the internet news.
i first learned of dennis prager when i was going through my divorce in 1091. my sister had bought his tape cassette series called 'a course on happiness', which she loaned to me. ever since i listened to the tapes, i've been a fan of his. what he says just makes sense to me.
i used to listen to dennis prager as much as possible when i was able to listen to conservative talk radio at work), as i've always thought him to be an extremely intelligent person, an engaging speaker and one of the few people to whom i would look as a role model. in my opinion, his conservative views are based on sound thinking, a high level of education and are guided with a strong religious moral compass.
read the article and let me know your thoughts.
p.s.
if you like listening to conservative talk radio dennis prager's talk show, in my opinion is the absolute best there is. for example, this morning he was talking about gambling. most people would just say, "i'm not really fond of gambling", but because dennis prager has a life hypothesis of sorts where happiness is a factor, he mentioned how the sadness of losing $100 outweighs the joy of winning $100. it's his in depth daily thinking that keeps me listening and inspires me to apply his concepts to my life (maybe i need to buy a better radio that picks up his AM frequency so i can start listening to him at work again).
i first learned of dennis prager when i was going through my divorce in 1091. my sister had bought his tape cassette series called 'a course on happiness', which she loaned to me. ever since i listened to the tapes, i've been a fan of his. what he says just makes sense to me.i used to listen to dennis prager as much as possible when i was able to listen to conservative talk radio at work), as i've always thought him to be an extremely intelligent person, an engaging speaker and one of the few people to whom i would look as a role model. in my opinion, his conservative views are based on sound thinking, a high level of education and are guided with a strong religious moral compass.
read the article and let me know your thoughts.
p.s.
if you like listening to conservative talk radio dennis prager's talk show, in my opinion is the absolute best there is. for example, this morning he was talking about gambling. most people would just say, "i'm not really fond of gambling", but because dennis prager has a life hypothesis of sorts where happiness is a factor, he mentioned how the sadness of losing $100 outweighs the joy of winning $100. it's his in depth daily thinking that keeps me listening and inspires me to apply his concepts to my life (maybe i need to buy a better radio that picks up his AM frequency so i can start listening to him at work again).
Friday, November 17, 2006
i lied
taking down the repulsive wallpaper is not my next project. i have a busted toilet. the good news is the toilet will be replaced via my homeowner's warranty. the bad (and good) news is i want to replace the linoleum, as whoever laid it down decided to go the lazy man's route and cut the linoleum around the toilet base instead of taking out the toilet and then laying down the linoleum. did i mention i hate linoleum? ewu.
not only do i get to replace the linoleum (i have never typed that work so much as i have in the past few minutes) in the kid's bathroom, i really need to pull up the same cheap stuff in the laundry room, and my bathroom. and guess what? i'm gonna do it all myself! and i have no idea what i'm doing!! woo!
i've seen many home improvement tv shows (which i love to watch) and i watched the pros do the job when i was once a richy rich wife. to tackle this all by myself is a tad daunting, so i kinda asked my sister for advice, but she didn't offer to help. i have an old friend i could call to get his assistance, but i don't want him to think i call only when i need help (i called him last year when i moved back into town to touch base. we had dinner and did a movie. it was nice. comfortable. way in the past he wanted romance and i said no and eventually married my ex)...so you can see why asking his home improvement help isn't such a good idea when he hasn't called me in ages to say hi. i mentioned my project to a director at work, whom i know has done tons of home improvement projects, and he's offered to be my tile guru. i'm grateful for his offer to help, i just hope his wifey understands that my seeking his advice is as innocent as it gets. i am no hubby staling hoochiemamma.
i do have to say, it's times like these when i miss having a partner. tackling a project with a pal makes it much more fun and it's great to be able to look back and say, "wow ain't we somethin?"
i'll just have to settle for awesome looking floors :0). wish me luck!
not only do i get to replace the linoleum (i have never typed that work so much as i have in the past few minutes) in the kid's bathroom, i really need to pull up the same cheap stuff in the laundry room, and my bathroom. and guess what? i'm gonna do it all myself! and i have no idea what i'm doing!! woo!
i've seen many home improvement tv shows (which i love to watch) and i watched the pros do the job when i was once a richy rich wife. to tackle this all by myself is a tad daunting, so i kinda asked my sister for advice, but she didn't offer to help. i have an old friend i could call to get his assistance, but i don't want him to think i call only when i need help (i called him last year when i moved back into town to touch base. we had dinner and did a movie. it was nice. comfortable. way in the past he wanted romance and i said no and eventually married my ex)...so you can see why asking his home improvement help isn't such a good idea when he hasn't called me in ages to say hi. i mentioned my project to a director at work, whom i know has done tons of home improvement projects, and he's offered to be my tile guru. i'm grateful for his offer to help, i just hope his wifey understands that my seeking his advice is as innocent as it gets. i am no hubby staling hoochiemamma.
i do have to say, it's times like these when i miss having a partner. tackling a project with a pal makes it much more fun and it's great to be able to look back and say, "wow ain't we somethin?"
i'll just have to settle for awesome looking floors :0). wish me luck!
IF i did it?
let me just say this: if any of you fine readers buy this book i will have to get in my car, on a plane, boat or yak to come slap you silly.
who thought up that title? the publisher? the author? "if i did it"???? i could go on a tirade that'd make naomi campbell blush, but i will keep this brief.
the murderer who shall remain nameless is shameless and, as the publisher kinda points out, is a sociopath. i honestly think the publisher is shameless, as well. any rationalizing she has done to justify her publishing this book doesn't meet my standards of a stand up kinda gal. to use her abuse as a vehicle, rationale and excuse for publishing this wad of trash makes my skin crawl.
my personal hurdle is to get over what happened to my family. i need to not have 'that" be my defining moment in my life...my reason for X, Y and Z. i need to move on and find something other than that horrific experience be what makes me ME. i haven't done it yet because i tend to still look at my life as "before that happend and after that happened". i know i must get to a point when i don't think that way. i just want my daughter back. i won't write a book about it. i won't have it be a movie of the week. i won't put my kids through that. ever.
how could he?
as i said. shameless.
who thought up that title? the publisher? the author? "if i did it"???? i could go on a tirade that'd make naomi campbell blush, but i will keep this brief.
the murderer who shall remain nameless is shameless and, as the publisher kinda points out, is a sociopath. i honestly think the publisher is shameless, as well. any rationalizing she has done to justify her publishing this book doesn't meet my standards of a stand up kinda gal. to use her abuse as a vehicle, rationale and excuse for publishing this wad of trash makes my skin crawl.my personal hurdle is to get over what happened to my family. i need to not have 'that" be my defining moment in my life...my reason for X, Y and Z. i need to move on and find something other than that horrific experience be what makes me ME. i haven't done it yet because i tend to still look at my life as "before that happend and after that happened". i know i must get to a point when i don't think that way. i just want my daughter back. i won't write a book about it. i won't have it be a movie of the week. i won't put my kids through that. ever.
how could he?
as i said. shameless.
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