project #1

today is painting day. i''m gonna paint my bedroom, which is something i've been wanting to do since i moved in. currently, my room is a bland oatmeal color. this evening it will be a tranquil light sage. i don't know the official name for this color, but i've used it in all my homes and i've had friends and family compliment and copy it in the past.

yep, today's the day. it's a baby step in getting out of my 4 year mental slump (the last time i'll use that phrase). it's time to get happy. sounds like a partridge family song, doesn't it?

before picture: (could the previous owners have chosen a more shocking white paint for the beadboard?)

tricky part: how will i move the armoire? hmmm....


okay, time is wasting and i'm getting distracted watching Roman Holiday....time to get moving!!

# * # * # * # * # * # * #

may i just say that set up is a bitch? okay, thanks. bye.





after pic: i couldn't resist sharing this photo at least for a day or two, then i'll replace it with a different final pic of the room. my son was hanging out in my room as i got ready for work this morning. and guess what? he's learned to read almost instantly (insert proud mom smile here). i bought him the 12 book set of Dick and Jane almost a year ago, just because they reminded me of my youth. he wasn't into them, until last month and now he can't get enough....and guess what? they really work. he's up to book 6 and is learning new reading concepts with each book. now he reads me a bedtime story each night :0)

oh yeah, and the paint.... it probably doesn't look much different on film than the before pic since this morning was so cloudy, but let me tell you, this color sets me at even. it's very tranquil and is just...me.
home project #1 - done.

driving at the speed of profound

i know i'm a good driver. i rarely get lost or cause major sig alerts.

but sometimes a girl needs to pull over and check out the road map. to be honest, I'm feeling pressured from all angles (or lanes, if we're keeping with the metaphor).

Where to begin? Well, I can start with one of msn.com's headlines: “What are You Gonna do with Your Life?

Or how about the tv commercial that just came on as I’m typing this frigging thing:

Character says: (okay, it’s Lorilei Gilmore, from one of my favorite [don’t tell anyone] tv shows, the Gilmore Girls. It gets into my whole “cool mom/awesome daughter” relationship fantasy, but I digress)

A confused, at a crossroads, Lorilei says, “What if I don’t want to do what I want to do because I want to do it? What if I don’t like what I like, because I like it, but because my mother doesn’t like it?…” enter voiceover, “sometimes, when you don’t know which way to go, you have to follow your heart.” (want another metaphor? search this week's GG episode for the Pop-Tart metaphor. mind blowing).

Or how about the emails I’ve been getting from my producer friend offering me the opportunity to direct a show?

Or that this month's breast cancer awareness advertising makes me miss my mom whenever i think of yogurt?

Or how about that one of the six people i've had in my new home since i've moved here has stolen 10k of krugerrands from the shoebox in my bedroom - i know. my bad. a shoebox is not fort knox, even if it does rhyme and was semi hidden under winter sweaters (now you all know my ultra safe combo: look left under green cableknit sweater). my life as a boardgame metaphor? Clue. damn. gotta get one.

Or how about the fact that I am so unhappy/depressed with the latest undisclosed divorce/court battle that for the past two weeks I’ve been losing sleep and can’t wait to get to work just so I can be lost in details instead of dealing with my personal crap?

Or how about that the only reason I loved my job was because I had the best boss in the history of bosses, and then today said boss announced at our sr. staff meeting she’s taking a new position on the opposite side of the continent?


Do I need to go on?


I love to act/direct - that's my lifelong passion and honest to goodness talent (not one to brag. much)... but I gotta pay the bills and be home to put dinner on the table. I need to be happy but the last go around with lawyers has thrown me a way outta wack. I ……I …. I’m so sick of thinking of myself I could puke, yet I’m tired of being the Adult doing what has to be done. i.e. the right thing - instead of going for the gusto in life, at the expense of those who count on me to be there.

When I think about my boss resigning for more lucrative corporate adventures on the east coast, I get all teary eyed. It’s like breaking up with a significant other; or worse, being dumped by said S/O. You should’ve seen us – nine corporate executives (and me, the ever faithful admin to the VP) all drop jawed and emotional over our leader jumping ship for a better gig.

(blows in hanky) Anyways…I’ll get over it. Major corporate fluxes are no biggie. I just need to shift gears and think of helping her with her exit plan instead of working on her Holiday luncheon and Q4 goal metrics. It’s just that we got along so well, and whenever I look at the silk jewelry pouch she gave me….arrgh. and I just bought a new plant for her office. Fat chance that’ll make it on the moving van to D.C.

(blows in wet hanky). Crap. This is what comes out of not having a boyfriend.

(wipes nose)….overly emotionally invested in a work role model. Or at least wanting something worthy and good to last.

Can you tell I’m a bit wonky? A bit flummoxed?

I’ll just leave it at that.




p.s. spending bathtime with my boy has put life in perspective. he made me a plastic bead Necklace today.

fyi...N is the letter of the week. i'll keep my new necklace in my silk jewelry pouch.

post p.s. during bedtime prayers, my son reminded me to talk to God about my day and how my boss is leaving.
Son = Godsend.

what kids need to know

A young coworker, who is a mom of a 1½ year old toddler, came to me in tears this morning. Her little son’s best friend died last night. Nobody knows why the little boy died as of yet. Yesterday he was playing at daycare; today he’s dead. We both cried a bit as we talked about how to let her little boy know…if she should even let him know.
You see, the mother of the little boy who died is the daycare teacher for my friend’s son. The two little boys played together every day, and just yesterday the teacher mentioned how so inseparable the two tykes had become.

My advice: if the mom doesn’t come back to teach at the daycare, then tell her son that they moved away. A young child not even two years old doesn’t need to know the hard truth in life that little boys can die suddenly. I don’t know if this is good advice, but it’s what I said. Probably not, now that I think about it some more. Chances are her son will learn the truth as people talk about it at the daycare school. This is so heartbreakingly sad. I know that kids around the world deal with death at such a young age due to starvation, disease, war....but we Americans are so sheltered. We have hissies when our internet connection is lost or our football team loses, or someone talks too loud on their cell phone at the grocery store.

We sometimes forget to see all the blessings we have. Food. Shelter. Family. Love. The unconditional love of a child.

At four years of age, my son knows about God, heaven, hell, good choices and bad choices, and how each and every day we get to make choices to be either on God’s team or the Devil’s team. He knows my parents are both in heaven with God. He is such a little bundle of love. He always tells me how much he loves me, cuddles with me and sometimes voices his fear that I will die and leave him or that he will die and leave me. We talk about it when he feels the need and I reassure him as best I can, without having a crystal ball to look into the future. We talk of him being a grown man and I’ll be an old grandma someday.

I have no good answers for my friend or for the many people who face tragedy every day due to freak accidents, sickness, madmen…other than to love with all our might. Hug your kids, tell them you love them. They need to hear it. You need to show it. They need to know they are loved.