Monday, June 25, 2007

falling in…

a ditch. welcome to another one of mckay’s crazy mixed up analogies. i think i’ve mentioned this one before, but this is what’s on my mind, so bear with me. it has to do with trying too hard to make the things we want work out. we see something (or someone) we want and because the thing (or person) might not be the right fit, we tweak, bend, and prod ourselves or our circumstances, molding them or ourselves into a misshapen form vaguely resembling a match to the thing desired.

a while back, i made the self discovery that some of the best things in my life happened to me without my hell-bent tweaking. they happened effortlessly, just as water follows the most natural path laid before it. or, less poetically, akin to falling in a ditch - i didn't plan this and whoops!, how did i end up here?!

so. i'm now contemplating the state where i currently find myself. are my growing feelings for my buddy (let’s give him a name…rick) genuine or what my mom termed, “in love with love”.

seeing rick and our subsequent talking that st. paddy’s night was like falling in a ditch and the ditch felt oddly comfortable. we’ve spent a bit of time together over the past several months, moving toward and away from an official relationship. we are like the ebb and flow of the ocean tide, doing the dance of romance – one step forward, one back, shuffle, come together …and hold…hold…repeat with each phase of the moon and encounter.

we’ve had the romance talk, we’ve had the friends talk, we’ve gotten together as friends and we are still drawn to each other for moments of hand holding and embraces, tentative and passionate kisses. this weekend rick invited me to join a group of friends on a local hike in preparation for their trek up a huge CA mountain. it was an opportunity for us to hang out as friends, but we still drifted towards each other in an easy comfortable draw. we obviously are not sure about what we want or which path to take…or are we? i’ll have to wait and see how the next tide turns.

Sunday, June 17, 2007


i went camping a few weekends ago with an old friend (not THAT old friend) in her antique vdub camper, her dog and a married couple, who had their own antique vw van. the dog was well behaved but i can't say the same thing for the married homo sapiens. i won't go into the details, but my goodness if you're gonna go on a camping trip be prepared to socialize a bit and pull out your basic good manners. jeeze, lighten up, folks!

we set up camp, i made the awesome campfire, we had a great dinner and woke up early to hike about 7 miles to a dried out waterfall that was noted in an OC hiking trail book. the directions were nothing like google maps. "when you get to the open area between the bluejay and foxglove campgrounds, veer east and look for the small incline..." i'm amazed we actually found the trail and the waterfall.

on the second night, hours after an awesome bbq dinner, a couple of beers and several perfectly roasted marshmallows, i woke from a sound sleep with the nagging feeling of needing to ....well, pee. i didn't want to walk all the way to the bathrooms (which were horrifically stinky), so i thought i'd be a 'real' camp gal and just do it in the woods. well, let's just say i need some practice before i get that perfect. the moon was full (stop it. i'm talking about the real moon) but not bright enough to illuminate the big angry ass biting ant hill where i chose to give back to mother earth.

i now completely understand the phrase ants in the pants. oy.