a ditch. welcome to another one of mckay’s crazy mixed up analogies. i think i’ve mentioned this one before, but this is what’s on my mind, so bear with me. it has to do with trying too hard to make the things we want work out. we see something (or someone) we want and because the thing (or person) might not be the right fit, we tweak, bend, and prod ourselves or our circumstances, molding them or ourselves into a misshapen form vaguely resembling a match to the thing desired.
a while back, i made the self discovery that some of the best things in my life happened to me without my hell-bent tweaking. they happened effortlessly, just as water follows the most natural path laid before it. or, less poetically, akin to falling in a ditch - i didn't plan this and whoops!, how did i end up here?!
so. i'm now contemplating the state where i currently find myself. are my growing feelings for my buddy (let’s give him a name…rick) genuine or what my mom termed, “in love with love”.
seeing rick and our subsequent talking that st. paddy’s night was like falling in a ditch and the ditch felt oddly comfortable. we’ve spent a bit of time together over the past several months, moving toward and away from an official relationship. we are like the ebb and flow of the ocean tide, doing the dance of romance – one step forward, one back, shuffle, come together …and hold…hold…repeat with each phase of the moon and encounter.
we’ve had the romance talk, we’ve had the friends talk, we’ve gotten together as friends and we are still drawn to each other for moments of hand holding and embraces, tentative and passionate kisses. this weekend rick invited me to join a group of friends on a local hike in preparation for their trek up a huge CA mountain. it was an opportunity for us to hang out as friends, but we still drifted towards each other in an easy comfortable draw. we obviously are not sure about what we want or which path to take…or are we? i’ll have to wait and see how the next tide turns.