Monday, June 25, 2007

falling in…

a ditch. welcome to another one of mckay’s crazy mixed up analogies. i think i’ve mentioned this one before, but this is what’s on my mind, so bear with me. it has to do with trying too hard to make the things we want work out. we see something (or someone) we want and because the thing (or person) might not be the right fit, we tweak, bend, and prod ourselves or our circumstances, molding them or ourselves into a misshapen form vaguely resembling a match to the thing desired.

a while back, i made the self discovery that some of the best things in my life happened to me without my hell-bent tweaking. they happened effortlessly, just as water follows the most natural path laid before it. or, less poetically, akin to falling in a ditch - i didn't plan this and whoops!, how did i end up here?!

so. i'm now contemplating the state where i currently find myself. are my growing feelings for my buddy (let’s give him a name…rick) genuine or what my mom termed, “in love with love”.

seeing rick and our subsequent talking that st. paddy’s night was like falling in a ditch and the ditch felt oddly comfortable. we’ve spent a bit of time together over the past several months, moving toward and away from an official relationship. we are like the ebb and flow of the ocean tide, doing the dance of romance – one step forward, one back, shuffle, come together …and hold…hold…repeat with each phase of the moon and encounter.

we’ve had the romance talk, we’ve had the friends talk, we’ve gotten together as friends and we are still drawn to each other for moments of hand holding and embraces, tentative and passionate kisses. this weekend rick invited me to join a group of friends on a local hike in preparation for their trek up a huge CA mountain. it was an opportunity for us to hang out as friends, but we still drifted towards each other in an easy comfortable draw. we obviously are not sure about what we want or which path to take…or are we? i’ll have to wait and see how the next tide turns.


Mr. Althouse said...

Hey mck!

I think you might be on to something here. I get the same epiphany from time to time. When I just throw my hands in the air and say, "Whatever!" everything seems to fall into place - or into a ditch, as it were. I say follow your heart and tell your head to shut up - it knows nothing about love or romance.

I have been preoccupied with my own little tete-a-tete... a long-distance cyber one no less. It wasn't planned and I sure as hell didn't see it coming, but I'm not complaining. You see? More proof! What would you ever do without me?


Phil said...

Hi McKay! It was nice to see you stopped by my blog to say Hi. Sorry I haven't been in blogland much. Life is hectic. Good luck with your ditch. Hopefully "Rick" will realize how lucky he is.

Jamie Dawn said...

I love the photo you posted.

Falling in a ditch can really be painful. Of course, if there's a strong man in the ditch to catch you, then the fall is well worth it.
Don't do any major tweaking. Tweak only the parts of yourself that truly are flawed. We all have to keep tweaking those areas of ourselves that need it.
As for the rest of you... leave yourself be.

ablondeblogger said...

Awwww, McKay!!! I have a good feeling about this!!!! Remember, the best relationships are ones built on friendship. You all seem to have all the good "ingredients" for a perfect romance. I'm so excited to hear how this goes!!!!

mckay said...

sam, i never want to do without you.

phil, from your fingers to rick's heart. thanks for stopping by. hope all's well.

jamie, i think i'm past the tweaking of myself. i hope now i'm letting God do some pruning in order to produce beautiful fruit and flowers.

thanks, dawnie. i hope this is the real thing...real romance or friendship; whichever it is, i just want it to be healthy. i know my next dance step; i just don't know when i'll get to make my fancy move. you know i'll keep you all posted.

BreadBox said...

Beautiful photograph to illustrate a heck of a problem --- but you know, what ever you do it will be the thing that you did: pick a path, and walk it, head held high, and regret nothing.

Oh, and don't burn dinner spending too much time at Michele's!