Saturday, April 21, 2007

commitment phobe? moi?!

gather round, children and i will teach you the lesson i learned this week. yes, i, this just shy of 47, old dog, learned something significant about myself, and life.

throughout my whole life, when i've wanted something, i've not been shy about expressing my desires...as a kid i dreamed of owning a horse. every birthday and christmas, i let my parents and santa know, "i want a horse. pleeeeeaaase!!"

i prayed, i daydreamed, i tried to be extra specially good, thinking that these demonstrations of my desire would produce an end result. well, not so much happened in the results area in that particular quest.

romantically, perhaps i did the same thing. when i wanted a relationship to work, i tried extra hard, i ignored the red flags and said to myself that everyone has drawbacks...myself included, so i chose to work extra hard to make the relationship work, even if it had inherent flaws which made for a shaky foundation at best.

on my two date weekend with my ....bud, (which was fabulous, by the way) we came to a point where he mentioned commitment...i did what i historically NEVER do...i put on the brakes. now mind you, this is a man whom i kinda adore. he's not handsome or tall but he is special and has that 'something' that makes my heart go pitty pat. go figure.

over the past several weeks, i've been thinking, and thinking some more. we haven't talked on the phone very much, my bud and me.. and i guess that's okay. in the past i'd talk on the phone for hours til the wee hours of the morn, and guess what? that talker ended up being...just that. all talk and not much substance.

so. things are good. i'm not going all mooshy (well, okay, a little bit) and life goes on.

# # # # # #

on another note, this weekend i'm headin' on a road trip to hang with my mckteen in arizona! it'll be a quickie trip to see her off to her very first prom. driving 6 hours there and 6 hours back for a 30 minute photo session will be memory i will cherish forever - and i think she will, too.

i'm so excited!!

4 comments:

ablondeblogger said...

Awww....that is such an amazing in-depth analysis of yourself, McKay. That's really hard to do....at least for me.

I'm that way with people in general.....giving them the benefit of the doubt and ignoring the red flags, and it, too has bitten me in the ass many times.

Trust those instincts! ((((HUGS))))

Jamie Dawn said...

I hope your time with McTeen was special.

I also hope this man proves to be a keeper!
If not...
toss him out and don't look back.

I wish you well.

Mr. Althouse said...

I'd take that deal. It will be something she will remember forever and ever.

It's good to see you get out there and experience life - it's good for you.

sam

Have you ever been on a Harley?? Just wondering.

mckay said...

my two dawns, thanks for the support. you my posse! more dates with the man friend this weekend. we'll see...

sam. are you offering a ride, buddy boy? so cal's nice this time of year ;0) and, nope, i've never ridden one.