Monday, March 27, 2006

top this

It was a dark and stormy night. Well, early morning, and a bit cloudy, actually. Coming home from a semi wonderful trip to Italy (loved the country; the travel companion had some mental issues I’ll save for another time). It was a looong flight home and I had the fat (sexual orientation in question) lady from hell sitting next to me. her thigh fat oozed so far, wide and high, that she spilled over into my seat and the arm rest refused to go down as her cellulite kept it at a 'heil hitler' 45 degree angle.

Behind me was a family whose dad thought it was a wonderful idea to keep his toddler on his lab and let the child kick the back of my seat for entertainment. Non stop. Kick. Kick. Kick. When I ever so politely asked him to not have his son kick the back of my seat, he gave me the evil eye and informed me his son was ‘just a kid’.

“Yeah, and you’re an insensitive prick. Turn your son around and let him kick you in the groin for a bit and give my lower back a rest.”

Didn’t say it, just thought it... a lot.

Fat oozing to the right of me, kicking behind me and my travel companion snored all the way home.

(note: i've never, ever said the word 'prick' out loud in my life, but it sure feels good to type it. this blog is my alter ego, 'damn all those newport beach cotillion lessons and let it all out' therapy)

anyone care to share their travel horrors?


The Zombieslayer said...

That's two more reasons I won't fly.

I've had this one fat guy who was sweating heavily. By the time my flight was over, my leg was covered in his sweat. it was gross.

In the movie theatre, I've had to yell several times at parents to control their !@#$%$^& kids. Drives me nuts. I wish movie theatres would do this. But a plane would be worse. There's no where to go.

Jamie Dawn said...

Yours is hard to top.
The only time I've ever flown first class was last summer when my parents paid for the flight. The first leg of the trip, the guy next to me was drunk. He talked TOO much and kept trying to "help" with my crossword puzzle. That was not pleasant, and it kind of ruined my First Class experience. Thankfully, the other leg of the flight and the return flights were much better.
Also, I was on a flight from Denver to Oakland when a drunk guy became loud and then abusive to a flight attendant. It scared the pee out of me! The guy was in BIG trouble when we landed. There were cops waiting for him.

Ralph's Homespun Headlines said...

I didn't laugh all day - at least until I read your blog. Thank you. Thanks for stopping by mine.